Betty White
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My 3.5 year old calls Target, guitar-get and I can't handle how adorable it is???????? (also, he loves guitars)
09:25 PM - Feb 13, 2023
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Betty White
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It's always the dudes saying they "don't want to have any more children" going on to websites looking for women between 25-35 years old (who are probably considering having children). Of course she should sacrifice for this amazing man. 🙄
03:59 PM - Jun 17, 2023
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Betty White
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Realtors are like:

If I put this cookbook on an art easel in the kitchen, I bet this house will sell.
05:46 PM - May 10, 2023
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Betty White
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3 - "Mommy, did you go to the store to buy cat glitter?"

Me - 🧐

3 - (points at the 40 lb box of unscented Tidy Cats I brought in to the house earlier)
10:53 PM - May 06, 2023
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Betty White
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Having children is like inviting spies in to your home that will tell your business to everyone just for passing conversation 😳
05:06 PM - Apr 26, 2023
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Betty White
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Just binge watched the first two seasons of white lotus on HBO and if you haven't seen it do yourself a favor and give it a try. I was all in after the first episode.
03:37 AM - Apr 24, 2023
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Betty White
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My campaign speech:

"I will fine any radio station that cuts off the end of an epic guitar solo. Examples include Free Bird and Purple Rain."
06:15 PM - Mar 28, 2023
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Betty White
A
I'm not feeling the trend of spiking up every individual eyebrow hair.
11:14 AM - Mar 28, 2023
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Betty White
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If my high school self could see me now. I went from color guard to Colo-guard 😭
02:55 PM - Mar 27, 2023 (Edited)
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Betty White
A
My significant other is trying out his first dad jokes so just wanted to run one by you..

"I can't afford probiotics, I need to find some amateur biotics." 🥁
01:51 AM - Mar 16, 2023
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Betty White
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I talked to a customer about a decade ago and the Convo still makes me laugh..

Angry customer--"what is your title?'
Me-"I'm a group leader."
Angry customer-"what's your supervisors title?"
Me-"she's a team leader"
Angry customer-""what is this, the girl scouts?"

😂😂
10:41 PM - Mar 15, 2023 (Edited)
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Betty White
A
I just remembered that before I could drive that I rode my bike to McDonald's (don't care for the food) to get a pair of Mac the knife sunglasses that I never wore. Just thought I'd share.
01:45 PM - Mar 14, 2023
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Betty White
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If I may speak for high school students across the country for a moment..

Please stop making them sing, "Lean on Me". No one likes it.
11:46 AM - Mar 14, 2023
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Betty White
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I got injured from my refrigerator if you're wondering how exciting my life is.
03:06 PM - Mar 11, 2023
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Betty White
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I got a pair of pants from a second hand store (say that again but sing raspberry beret 😄) anyway the prior owner perma-baked in some sort of fabric softener that you can smell from 10 yards away. Washed them and no better, how is that possible. Someone likes all their clothing like this?
10:11 PM - Mar 10, 2023
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Betty White
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If you want everyone at the grocery store to talk to you, buy a lemon cake and a large plant with no shopping cart.
09:54 PM - Mar 10, 2023
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Betty White
A
My 3.5 year old son checked my temperature and sounded concerned when he read the number..

"Uh oh, it looks like you're 100 meters"
09:51 PM - Mar 10, 2023
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Betty White
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If the school sends me a form to fill out and return, there is about an 89% chance the form will be returned with some sort of food stain on it.
09:48 PM - Mar 10, 2023
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Jen B
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04:56 PM - Mar 05, 2023
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Betty White
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So you want me to guess your age.

**Calculating actual age and subtracting five to ten years while sweating and cursing and watching you smile for this "fun game"**
04:21 PM - Mar 05, 2023
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Betty White
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"Come with me, if you want to live."

-my five year old
08:35 PM - Mar 04, 2023
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Betty White
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"They're gaucho pants. I got them on sale"
01:34 AM - Mar 03, 2023
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Betty White
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Why is QVC so comforting?

1. They taught me about orthopedic shoes
2. Everything is in at least 10 colors
3. No one gossips (and I know that some of those hosts have gossip)
4. I love the makeup demonstrations
11:44 PM - Feb 26, 2023
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Betty White
A
Ronan Farrow IMO is obviously Frank Sinatras son.

I love his response when he was asked about it..

"Listen, we're all *possibly* Frank Sinatra's son.
04:30 PM - Feb 26, 2023
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Betty White
A
One time I went to the little free library in my neighborhood and there was a fifty dollar bill in the book I chose. And the book was really good too. I paid the 50 forward when a neighbors house burned down a few months later.
02:18 PM - Feb 21, 2023
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Betty White
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Do people who use the word, "hella" know that they could just not?
06:12 PM - Feb 20, 2023
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Betty White
A
Twitter annoying, switch to Spoutible.

Spoutible annoying, switch to Twitter.
03:07 AM - Feb 20, 2023
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Betty White
A
I tried some tuna sushi and it was the best thing I've ever tasted (even though I thought I hated tuna).

It made me brave so I tried a different kind and just thinking about it makes me feel ill (it tasted quite fishy).

Not sure where to go from here 🍣
03:05 AM - Feb 20, 2023
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Betty White
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All my 3.5 year old wants is some drum sticks, a drum set, and the most important part is what he calls the "beam" (hi-hat/cymbal) 🥹
03:44 PM - Feb 18, 2023
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Betty White
A
Bluey just made me cry (again) 😭❤️ such an amazing show for kids (and emotional mommies)
12:40 PM - Feb 18, 2023
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Betty White
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My 5 yo is playing a game with cakes.

Me- "I wish I had all those cakes"

Him in a deep voice- "you'll get a stomach ache, kid"
11:17 AM - Feb 18, 2023
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