Jon Tucker
A
I've got way, way too many tall friends. Standing next to them, I look like something attached to their keychain.
06:53 PM - Mar 19, 2024
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Jon Tucker
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New cults are forming everyday! Don't forget to join one!
06:50 PM - Mar 19, 2024
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Jon Tucker
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I want propaganda to kiss me on the lips, not on the cheek.
06:50 PM - Mar 19, 2024
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Jon Tucker
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Fun world.
Hot shower.
Non-stop lunch.
10:27 AM - Oct 15, 2023
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Jon Tucker
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The sky is why we paint.
01:29 PM - Sep 18, 2023
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Jon Tucker
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I’ve watched enough movies to know that I can solve all my problems by falling in love.
01:28 PM - Sep 18, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
Using WD-40 and tweezers (3rd attempt), I finally removed the broken piece of key from my car trunk lock. Stuck there since January.

I can’t remember ever being this happy.
12:41 PM - Aug 26, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
The real secret to dieting is to use very, very small cutlery.
06:12 PM - Aug 25, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
Putin's double is probably torturing Prigozhin's double.
10:41 AM - Aug 25, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
I once stirred a stir-fry with a fly swatter. True story. Twelve guests.
10:40 AM - Aug 25, 2023
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Jon Tucker
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At this point, the only sound I wanna hear from Trmp supporters is a death rattle.
03:20 PM - Aug 14, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
To this day, I find it impossible to believe that The Fonz was played by Henry Winkler. The Fonz was played by The Fonz.
10:22 PM - Jul 30, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
thread 2 Threaded Spouts
DYSTOPIC SERIES (bad) IDEA: A billionairr buys the rights to the song, “Happy Birthday” and enforces a royalty payment for everytime it’s sung. Only the rich can celebrate birthdays with song.
12:26 PM - Jul 25, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
thread 2 Threaded Spouts
The apocalypse is not complete. We must bathe first in fire.
08:43 AM - Jul 24, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
In my novel, I had a character "tweet" a statement, but a year ago (before publishing), I changed it to "post" a statement - sensing that Twitter might not be around forever and future readers would be confused, I guess.
08:43 AM - Jul 24, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
They X'ed the bird.
08:43 AM - Jul 24, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
Oh Henry for supper again.
10:49 PM - Jul 14, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
The handyman across the street
keeps getting his grey-haired ponytail
caught in his fold-up ladder.

He’s fallen to the grass
landed on his ass
This couldn’t get any sadder

I’d like to help
but I’m singing this song
and that’s all frankly that really matter

(solo)
12:20 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
thread 2 Threaded Spouts
If you haven't read this book, you won't survive the invasion.

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0...
05:05 PM - Jun 15, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
Trump supporters are genetically proximate to sea sponges.
01:42 PM - Jun 13, 2023
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Jon Tucker
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We should take over stores that used to be video stores and turn them back into video stores.
02:18 PM - Jun 07, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
It’s not even June and I’ve already been hit by a soccer ball.
03:22 PM - May 23, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
I’m currently writing a short story about a wrestling detective, set in 1954 Montreal, and I’m having a little too much fun with it.
12:19 PM - May 22, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
If Rocky Balboa were a Greek island, he'd shout "Aegean!!" at the end of that first movie.
01:24 PM - May 18, 2023
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Jon Tucker
A
thread 3 Threaded Spouts
I’m going on the record to say that King Charles is a pribbling, fool-born measle.

I pledge nothing to him.

#commonwealthhumour
11:49 AM - May 06, 2023
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Jon Tucker
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If greed were an individual that could bleed, I would very much like to see greed bleed.
12:06 PM - May 05, 2023
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Jon Tucker
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It's going to be an all-burrito weekend. Every meal.
10:00 AM - May 05, 2023
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Jon Tucker
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When I drink, I drink to the dinosaurs.
03:52 PM - May 03, 2023
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Jon Tucker
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Apparently King Charles is gonna make us sing happy birthday to him every day, at noon.

#commonwealthhumour
08:15 PM - May 01, 2023
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Jon Tucker
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Whenever I lose weight, it comes off my height.
04:38 PM - Apr 30, 2023
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