Mr. Newberger
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LEFT: Count
RIGHT: Can't count
08:21 AM - Feb 07, 2024
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Mr. Newberger
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Well on the bright side, Rep George Santos will now have an actual historical event he can honestly say he was a part of without lying.
09:05 AM - Dec 01, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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When they cut your character from the Facts of Life pilot.
03:51 PM - Nov 30, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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The Speaker gavel is becoming an opening montage in a Lord of the Rings movie.

It began with the forging of Kevin McCarthy's power.
And yet Kevin couldn't hold the gavel.
And then when hope had faded, Mike Johnson took the gavel.
But the hearts of Men are easily corrupted...
08:46 AM - Nov 14, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Look, it's been a very stressful last few days for everyone. I don't care who you are or what you believe, tell me when you saw Tommy Tuberville fall down the airplane steps you didn't think of this:
11:09 PM - Oct 11, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Kevin McCarthy: Another Trump property that went out of business.
06:40 PM - Oct 03, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Elon Musk will be in New York City tomorrow wearing an upside down snorkel mask to report on the flooding.
08:41 AM - Sep 30, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Please respect Lauren Boebert’s privacy. What happens between a man and a woman and the guy sitting next to them, and the woman next to him, and the three kids next to him, and the guy next to him, and the woman next to him…in the next row….on the balcony….is their business.
08:13 AM - Sep 16, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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The guy who said he could grab womens' genitals if he wanted, because he was famous, is on a media tour explaining how he could take classified documents if he wanted, because he was President.
08:35 AM - Sep 15, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Proud of my Annabelle.
09:39 AM - Sep 13, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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They need to make a musical about Lauren Boebert being kicked out of a musical.
08:56 AM - Sep 13, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Show us evidence Joe Biden committed a crime with his son Hunter or please STFU. It's not enough to say 'we have the phone records, we have the flight logs, etc' Use that stuff to file charges. Show us actual crimes were committed. If you can't, please just STFU. Begging you.
06:52 AM - Sep 13, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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MAGA: A woman is a woman.
ALSO MAGA: Michelle Obama is a man!

MAGA: Support the troops.
ALSO MAGA: No military promotions!

MAGA: Back the blue!
ALSO MAGA: January 6th was tourism.

MAGA: Biden is weaponizing the DOJ!
ALSO MAGA: Lock her up! Lock up Biden!
08:55 AM - Sep 07, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Shouting "TRUMP WON!" before you serve your 10 year prison sentence won't get Trump to save you. He might fundraise off the news, but only to line his own pockets. You are a dupe, and a sucker, and by month 1 of your 10 years, man are you gonna regret your life decisions.
08:16 PM - Sep 04, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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I wish I could go back in time to January 6, 2021 and stand outside the Capitol with a big sign that says "YOU WON'T LIKE THE FOOD IN PRISON!"
08:16 PM - Sep 04, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Trump "missed a round of golf in Scotland!" for court is the perfect analogy for something completely unsympathetic. It's like "Jumping the Shark" is to declining in quality. You got punched for being a Nazi? Wow you really missed a round of golf in Scotland!
09:03 AM - Aug 28, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Ron DeSantis: Targeting people due to their race has no place in the state of Florida...

...so I have removed all historical instances of it from the textbooks.
09:00 AM - Aug 28, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Take it easy on me, it was my first day on the job as courtroom sketch artist. #TrumpArraignment
08:08 AM - Aug 05, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Reindicted, and it feels so good!
06:02 PM - Aug 01, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Trump’s $40M legal fees are the wall, and you MAGA, are Mexico.
04:06 PM - Jul 30, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Ahh, so Biden foreign policy is what's killing Ukrainians, and not Vladimir Putin, the Russian army, and their mercenaries invading, bombing, and shooting them to death. I don't know how I got this all wrong. You know what? I'm going to LensCrafters to check my prescription.
07:20 AM - Jul 15, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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This is me at every party. Love this dude.
09:01 AM - Jul 12, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Elon Musk shares video of Tucker Carlson interviewing Andrew Tate discussing Donald Trump and his friend Alex Jones after they visited Roger Stone to discuss Ron DeSantis and his beef with Ted Cruz over who loved Rush Limbaugh more.

Yes, it's the turducken of turddickens.
10:42 PM - Jul 11, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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I don’t care if RFK Jr. bench presses 360, does parkour on the tip of the Chrysler building, or carries a log on his neck like in Rocky 4, when home-slice lies about life saving vaccines he is just a mendacious oaf.
10:03 AM - Jul 09, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Social Media Responses

Twitter - 50 people reply, 1/2 nasty
Spoutable - 2 people reply, all nice
Mastodon - Dutch lady replies
LinkedIn - Boss replies
Threads - Cousin replies "you're busy"
BlueSky - 0 replies
Instagram - Pretty Asian girl follows
Facebook - Mom replies ALL CAPS
07:39 AM - Jul 06, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Now if the MAGA folks don't love Lindsey Graham, and we don't love Lindsey Graham, then who loves Lindsey Graham?
07:17 AM - Jul 02, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Pressuring Governors to overturn the election sounds bad. Hopefully whoever did that is locked up in a dark cell for the rest of his country club golf playing ketchup sucking life.
01:38 PM - Jul 01, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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Moms for Liberty = Karens for Hitler
11:43 AM - Jul 01, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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When People ask Clarence Thomas to pay attention, Harlan Crow jumps out with his checkbook and says "I got this."
08:31 AM - May 04, 2023
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Mr. Newberger
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My daughter Annabelle Newberger's Period Project Yorktown is driving again to fight #PeriodPoverty . Please consider helping. Last year Annabelle raised $3K worth of products and distributed to several women's shelters. #PeriodAwarenessMonth
For more info: http://rb.gy/41qnu
04:34 PM - May 02, 2023
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