Selena Maranjian
A
thread 7 Threaded Spouts
12 pretty good tweets of yore:

WheelTod
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief

elle91
I hate when my friends turn out to be fake.
09:36 AM - Dec 06, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
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thread 4 Threaded Spouts
10 quite good tweets of yore:

@Merrillmarkoe
Pygmy Mole Crickets live in fresh water in Florida. In a better world, they'd be a band on a world wide tour and I would play bass.

murrman5
*shipwrecked diary*
Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab
Day 2: I have married the crab.
09:47 AM - Dec 04, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
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07:52 PM - Nov 30, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 8 Threaded Spouts
12 pretty good tweets of yore:

cschleichsrun
How can you say being a mom is the hardest job in the world when there's a Scottish mailman out there who has to deliver to Brigadoon?
01:00 PM - Nov 30, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
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12:53 PM - Nov 30, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 6 Threaded Spouts
12 pretty good tweets of yore:

jazmasta
*looks up from phone*
"I do"

kaebot
Our elevators smell so strongly of bleach that I fear I am both an accessory to a crime and also blonde now.
11:55 AM - Nov 29, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
11:40 AM - Nov 29, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
Knew it was coming one of these days, but still...

Thanks for everything, Mr. Munger!
06:57 PM - Nov 28, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
02:22 PM - Nov 28, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 4 Threaded Spouts
7 pretty good tweets of yore:

GlennyRodge
Don't you just hate it when people use latin words they don't understand and vice-versa?

gneicco
The road to hell is paved?
01:57 PM - Nov 28, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 4 Threaded Spouts
6 pretty good tweet of yore:

mooseallain
"I ain't never done nuffink to no one"
Cockney baffles jury with quadruple negative.

ebasilion
My parents left their villages in Greece to give us a better life and now all I want to do is live in a village in Greece.
02:36 PM - Nov 27, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
02:35 PM - Nov 27, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 6 Threaded Spouts
8 pretty good tweets of yore:

RickAaron
I DoorDashed a roast turkey. It was poultry in motion.

sannewman
Why's all the fake news doom and gloom?
02:18 PM - Nov 26, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
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thread 6 Threaded Spouts
12 pretty good tweets of yore:

suzieQ0007
No, I do NOT want to go to the hospital. The last time I was there a person fell out of me & they made me take him home, for like, ever.

Death_Buddy
Three ways to tell if you're dating an Octopus:
1. They give awesome hugs
2. They have no skeleton
3.
01:17 PM - Nov 25, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 3 Threaded Spouts
7 pretty good tweets of yore:

@lafix
I see a little silhouetto of a man. Is it Bruce? Yes, it's Bruce, I will throw him a mango. #betterlyrics

bwebster76
Sitting in a movie theater behind one of the Easter Island heads.
02:01 PM - Nov 24, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 6 Threaded Spouts
11 pretty good tweets of yore:
Home_Halfway
Twitter is great if you can't afford therapy but you also don't want to get any better.
@mariana057
Don't forget to turn your bathroom scales back 15 pounds tonight at 1AM for Thanksgiving.
abbycohenwl
I'm sorry your baby is crying right now.
12:41 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
12:40 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
03:58 PM - Nov 22, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 5 Threaded Spouts
10 pretty good tweets of yore:

TheWeirdWorld
Any stairway is a stairway to heaven if you're clumsy enough.
11:40 AM - Nov 22, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
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thread 7 Threaded Spouts
11 pretty good tweets of yore:

KalvinMacleod
Parenting is like being a juggler except all the balls are screaming.

bornmiserable
RICK JAMES: When I get there, she's got incense, wine, and candles. It's such a freaky scene.
ME: You just described a Pottery Barn.
12:55 PM - Nov 21, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
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thread 8 Threaded Spouts
10 pretty good tweets of yore:

@JohnFugelsang
I have the handwriting of an insane 7-yo arthritic serial killer having a seizure while writing prescriptions on the Chicago L.
01:00 PM - Nov 20, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 3 Threaded Spouts
7 pretty good tweets of yore:

MarkAgee
Every time you call Taylor Swift a 'country artist' Johnny Cash kills a guy in an afterlife life barfight.

IamEnidColeslaw
Every full moon I transform into a divorced Realtor named Mindy. It's hell.
03:57 PM - Nov 19, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 3 Threaded Spouts
5 pretty good tweets of yore:

jzux
this is my emotional manipulation dog.
01:04 PM - Nov 17, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
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12:57 PM - Nov 17, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 6 Threaded Spouts
11 pretty good tweets of yore:

@ilovepie84
I went to a Chuck E Cheese in Ohio and an 8 year put out his cigarette on my arm.

Kimpulses
Ended a relationship today. Don't worry, it wasn't mine.

Cheeseboy22
While everyone at the office is getting standing desks, I am getting a "laying-down" desk.
12:19 PM - Nov 16, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
Are You Lonely? Try These Finance-Related Remedies.

https://www.fool.com/retir...
#lonely #loneliness
12:34 PM - Nov 15, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 4 Threaded Spouts
6 pretty good tweets of yore:

NickC46
Gluttony is my favourite deadly sin, although I dabble in sloth.
12:25 PM - Nov 15, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
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11:11 AM - Nov 14, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
06:24 PM - Nov 13, 2023
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 2 Threaded Spouts
4 pretty good tweets of yore:

sixthformpoet
When somebody's charged with battery, the prosecution shows the jury Exhibit A, then Exhibit AA, then Exhibit AAA.
03:21 PM - Nov 13, 2023
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