8 Threaded Spouts
15 pretty good tweets of yore:
@emilynussbaum
Get asked if you're a robot frequently enough and you do kinda start wondering if you're maybe a robot.
WilliamAder
That Grey's Anatomy show has strayed wildly from the book.
KentWGraham
I was 45 minutes late for work today. I took the stairs.
@emilynussbaum
Get asked if you're a robot frequently enough and you do kinda start wondering if you're maybe a robot.
WilliamAder
That Grey's Anatomy show has strayed wildly from the book.
KentWGraham
I was 45 minutes late for work today. I took the stairs.
11:03 AM - May 17, 2024
3 Threaded Spouts
6 pretty good tweets of yore:
cakemittens
What if tides are just the earth's chest rising and falling while it thinks of the moon and sighs.
thecatwhisprer
The hardest part of parenting is finding your own special snacks that nobody else in the house likes.
cakemittens
What if tides are just the earth's chest rising and falling while it thinks of the moon and sighs.
thecatwhisprer
The hardest part of parenting is finding your own special snacks that nobody else in the house likes.
11:36 AM - May 16, 2024
11:30 AM - May 15, 2024
5 Threaded Spouts
9 pretty good tweets of yore:
FeralCrone
I liked their boyfriend jeans so I'm wearing the Gap's new boyfriend bra and it is somehow both suffocating me and giving me zero support.
mattwhitlockPM
Ladies: if a man orders you to make him a sandwich, do it.
FeralCrone
I liked their boyfriend jeans so I'm wearing the Gap's new boyfriend bra and it is somehow both suffocating me and giving me zero support.
mattwhitlockPM
Ladies: if a man orders you to make him a sandwich, do it.
11:25 AM - May 15, 2024
5 Threaded Spouts
10 pretty good tweets of yore:
fesshole
When my son's hamster died I placed it in a carrier bag ready for a burial after school. I later got a phone call from a teacher saying there was a dead hamster was in his lunch box. There is also a cheese roll buried in the garden.
fesshole
When my son's hamster died I placed it in a carrier bag ready for a burial after school. I later got a phone call from a teacher saying there was a dead hamster was in his lunch box. There is also a cheese roll buried in the garden.
11:15 AM - May 15, 2024
8 Threaded Spouts
14 pretty good tweets of yore:
rejectedjokes
Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea this was your Sharona.
Super_Cynthia
What if OUIJA boards just make you move the planchette around to where it wants to be scratched
danjan13
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets.
rejectedjokes
Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea this was your Sharona.
Super_Cynthia
What if OUIJA boards just make you move the planchette around to where it wants to be scratched
danjan13
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets.
01:06 PM - May 13, 2024
5 Threaded Spouts
9 pretty good tweets of yore:
avainwordland
You can’t fix everything, you’re not a giant asteroid.
avainwordland
You can’t fix everything, you’re not a giant asteroid.
11:30 AM - May 12, 2024
4 Threaded Spouts
8 pretty good tweets of yore:
@mariana057
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
Swishergirl24
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
@mariana057
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
Swishergirl24
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
12:24 PM - May 11, 2024
9 Threaded Spouts
18 pretty good tweets of yore:
ItsAndyRyan
Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane
Her: My God - imagine if it had been a small child
Me: I could have fought off a small child, Alice
cheesedaydreams
The main difference between my husband doing dishes and me doing dishes is the ticker tape
ItsAndyRyan
Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane
Her: My God - imagine if it had been a small child
Me: I could have fought off a small child, Alice
cheesedaydreams
The main difference between my husband doing dishes and me doing dishes is the ticker tape
12:37 PM - May 10, 2024
5 Threaded Spouts
10 pretty good tweets of yore:
skayeterboy
my dad bought 15 mangoes and didn’t tell my mom so she bought 10 mangoes and now we are the people from the math problems
dougabeles
I think I got an A on my son's Ethics essay.
kurtbraunohler
This Life Couch is not motivating me at all.
skayeterboy
my dad bought 15 mangoes and didn’t tell my mom so she bought 10 mangoes and now we are the people from the math problems
dougabeles
I think I got an A on my son's Ethics essay.
kurtbraunohler
This Life Couch is not motivating me at all.
11:54 AM - May 09, 2024
8 Threaded Spouts
11 pretty good tweets of yore:
3sunzzz
My husband surprised me by taking the day off. I guess today is the day he finds out we've actually had a cleaning company for the last 5 years.
3sunzzz
My husband surprised me by taking the day off. I guess today is the day he finds out we've actually had a cleaning company for the last 5 years.
12:02 PM - May 08, 2024
"This is motherhood for you,' said my own mother. 'Going through life with your heart outside your body." — Jennifer Weiner
11:58 AM - May 08, 2024
4 Threaded Spouts
7 pretty good tweets of yore:
@akjakalope
I’m fully vaccinated but still wear a mask outdoors so people don’t think I’m a Republican.
EthanNichtern
Whatever you do, keep taking care of each other and we will be all right.
iinkedZombie
Wife: "Oh my God! You really ONLY hear what you want!"
@akjakalope
I’m fully vaccinated but still wear a mask outdoors so people don’t think I’m a Republican.
EthanNichtern
Whatever you do, keep taking care of each other and we will be all right.
iinkedZombie
Wife: "Oh my God! You really ONLY hear what you want!"
11:27 AM - May 07, 2024
03:07 PM - May 06, 2024
3 Threaded Spouts
4 pretty good tweets of yore:
SamGrittner
I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
SamGrittner
I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
12:41 PM - May 06, 2024
3 Threaded Spouts
5 pretty good tweets of yore:
RunwayDan
I can't imagine calling the mission "impossible" did a lot for morale.
amandajpanda
I'm going to go buy a piñata. I'm full of rage and I want candy.
RunwayDan
I can't imagine calling the mission "impossible" did a lot for morale.
amandajpanda
I'm going to go buy a piñata. I'm full of rage and I want candy.
12:52 PM - May 05, 2024
3 Threaded Spouts
5 pretty good tweets of yore:
RdrJay47
I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
bananafitz
ITEMS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN:
-Little Black Dress
-Cute flats
-Strappy s- ok now that the men have stopped reading, we revolt at dawn.
RdrJay47
I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
bananafitz
ITEMS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN:
-Little Black Dress
-Cute flats
-Strappy s- ok now that the men have stopped reading, we revolt at dawn.
03:24 PM - May 04, 2024
5 Threaded Spouts
8 pretty good tweets of yore:
philistella
Would you like your alarm clock to be INEXPLICABLY HEAVY and full of KNIVES? Consider: CAT.
philistella
Would you like your alarm clock to be INEXPLICABLY HEAVY and full of KNIVES? Consider: CAT.
12:31 PM - May 03, 2024
4 Threaded Spouts
4 pretty good tweets of yore:
samuel_pollen
European out-of-offices: “I’m away camping for the summer.
samuel_pollen
European out-of-offices: “I’m away camping for the summer.
10:40 AM - May 01, 2024
2 Threaded Spouts
3 pretty good tweets of yore:
dadsaysjokes
I saw a microbiologist today.
He was much bigger than I expected.
KentWGraham
Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
dadsaysjokes
I saw a microbiologist today.
He was much bigger than I expected.
KentWGraham
Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
11:07 AM - Apr 30, 2024
"The most radical thing we can do is introduce people to one another." - unknown (to me, anyway)
11:01 AM - Apr 30, 2024
4 Threaded Spouts
4 pretty good tweets of yore:
JerryThomas
Every time I see a chameleon, I assume they're on break.
batkaren
The diet’s simple—it’s just a piece of cake for breakfast, a piece of cake for lunch, a sensible dinner, and a double-sized piece of cake for dessert.
Results may vary.
JerryThomas
Every time I see a chameleon, I assume they're on break.
batkaren
The diet’s simple—it’s just a piece of cake for breakfast, a piece of cake for lunch, a sensible dinner, and a double-sized piece of cake for dessert.
Results may vary.
11:18 AM - Apr 19, 2024
