Anne King
A
thread 1/11
Goodbye, Dad [1/11]
When I was little & storms rolled in, I'd run down the hall & tuck myself in with Mom & Dad. "Time to get some sleep," my dad would murmur, taking my small hand in his large, protecting palm. I felt safe then

But there was another kind of storm in my house...

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06:42 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 2/11
2/11
Its thunder cracked with ice cubes poured into a glass, & waves of liquor roiled with no predictions. Light & sentimental one moment, the mood would flip. And every time it surprised me.

How angry he could be.

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06:45 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 3/11
My dad started drinking in the Army. A vice that arrived with girlie magazines & gov't rationed smokes. Alcohol bonded men. It gave them options. They could run their fears through a joke-line. They could shout in the streets instead of crying.

The crying came later on

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06:47 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 4/11
He lost his radio job & things went downhill. I don't really know what he was going through then. His words on those nights, slurry & impenetrable, only frightened me.

And what did I know of grief at 10 years old?

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06:49 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 5/11
I'm standing outside in the dark. My 4H meeting is over. Mom's working & Dad's supposed to pick me up... but he isn't here. One by one, my friends get in their parents' cars & wave a furtive goodbye

I try & try but I can't remember who took me home, or when or what happened after
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06:52 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 6/11
Years passed, with a hundred new stories & yet, the same story over & over again. Then--at rock bottom & about to lose his family--my dad quit. He didn't just promise this time, he really did it.

He got sober.

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06:54 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 7/11
This is the moment to forgive, right? And to forget. Except the body remembers.

For decades, I tried to copy my friends' casual closeness with their dads...but finally understood we could only forge a connection without the mist of an imagined past.

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06:56 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 8/11
I flew home to see him one last time. Shaking in his wheelchair, unable to speak, he turned his wrist to reveal his open palm

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06:57 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 9/11
I held his hand.
06:58 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 10/11
At the celebration of life, the family stood up to recall happy stories, only happy stories. Called up to speak, I sat silent, unable to voice an abridged version of the man's life.

Maybe that was the special thing I shared with my dad, who was also a journalist. The need to tell the whole story.
07:01 PM - May 17, 2023
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Anne King
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thread 11/11
We dream of the fathers we wanted, of the children we wanted to be. We make vows about the parents we can become. Then at some moments in our lives we find ourselves running in darkness, seeking the predictable warmth of an unconditional--& momentarily almost perfect--kind of love

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07:03 PM - May 17, 2023
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Robin
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In response to Anne King.
Wow. Thank you for sharing. Very poignant
09:58 PM - Jul 18, 2023
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Nina Toyou
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In response to Anne King.
The whole truth is what I yearn for, too. Wonderful thread.
12:07 PM - Jun 24, 2023
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Olga Berrios
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In response to Nina Toyou.
Beautiful
02:10 PM - Jul 16, 2023
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Donna Holiwski
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In response to Anne King.
A very touching and truthful Spout. Thank you.
06:31 AM - Jun 20, 2023
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LaFleur
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In response to Anne King.
Such a poignant piece. Beautiful writing.
08:11 PM - Jun 19, 2023
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Sarah Tennyson
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In response to Anne King.
Thank you, Anne
05:17 PM - Jun 19, 2023
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Tikki Foy
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In response to Anne King.
So well written and beautifully told. Thank you for sharing.
04:17 PM - Jun 19, 2023
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Civil Canuck
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In response to Anne King.
Awesome thread. 👏
02:14 PM - Jun 19, 2023
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Anne King
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In response to Civil Canuck.
Thank you!
04:01 PM - Jun 19, 2023
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Janet aka April
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In response to Anne King.
Thank you so much for allowing me to read your story. I understand it all too well. 💗
01:38 PM - Jun 19, 2023
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Gabe McGrath
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In response to Anne King.
Anne thanks for sharing something deeply personal with us.

Well-crafted writing that evokes beautifully one moment and hits like a truck the next. A memorable read in very few words.

Good luck with the Thread challenge.
02:10 AM - Jun 07, 2023
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Susan Simon
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In response to Anne King.
Wonderful writing. I feel like I'm there. So many of my students had a similar story. On Cpe Cod I was told one out of every four when I first started teaching here. Thank you for sharing.
03:21 PM - May 18, 2023
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