Abraxsys
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It’s been discovered that if Lara Trump’s cover of Tom Petty is played backwards, the demonic shrieks of a caterwauling imp can be clearly heard. Same as when it’s played forward.
07:48 PM - Nov 19, 2023
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Abraxsys
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House Republicans would try to cure an ingrown toenail by amputating their foot. And somehow they would manage to cut off the wrong one.
03:01 PM - Oct 20, 2023
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Abraxsys
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🤣😂🤣
09:20 PM - Oct 03, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Trump was nearly rage crying to the press and he ended his day slapped with a gag order. This is after only the SECOND DAY of his FIRST TRIAL. And it isn’t even a criminal one. Things are only going to get worse for him as the days drag on, and I’m here for it all. 🍿🥂
09:02 PM - Oct 03, 2023
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Abraxsys
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It’s time for Elon Musk to invest his fortune into building a secret volcano lair where he can finally achieve his aspiration to be the world’s foremost supervillain.
05:32 PM - Sep 08, 2023
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Abraxsys
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This weekend the Supreme Court will be holding a Labor Day Clarence Sale — Save BIG and get huge discounts on all your important court decisions.
12:09 PM - Sep 01, 2023
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Abraxsys
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11:48 PM - Aug 30, 2023
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Abraxsys
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It’s like a pie fight with word pies. #GOPdebate
10:40 PM - Aug 23, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Ron DeSantis is so excited about the prospect of using lethal force at the southern border that in 4 hours he’s going to need to see a doctor. #GOPdebate
10:35 PM - Aug 23, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Rudy Giuliani’s mugshot looks like a portrait you’d find hanging in Arkham Asylum in a Batman game.
05:36 PM - Aug 23, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Who wore it better?
12:50 PM - Aug 18, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Which minion wore it better?
07:22 PM - Aug 17, 2023
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Abraxsys
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There’s still a chance Rudy Giuliani will negotiate a plea deal allowing him to run the prison library and maybe even raise a pet raven from a chick.
10:42 PM - Aug 16, 2023
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Abraxsys
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I really enjoyed episode 4 of The Celebrity Indictment! I sure hope there’s going to be an episode 5.
10:41 PM - Aug 16, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Lara Trump is right, this isn’t funny — it’s fucking hilarious! 😂
01:47 PM - Aug 16, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Ron DeSantis just can’t understand why his poll numbers are dropping when everywhere he goes they chant, “More Ron! More Ron! More Ron!”
06:24 PM - Aug 15, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Some animals eat their own shit. Some humans vote for Donald Trump. Both possess the same bad taste.
12:16 PM - Aug 12, 2023
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Abraxsys
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If Lauren Boebert were any dumber, you’d have to place her in a window and water her twice a week.
11:02 AM - Aug 12, 2023
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Abraxsys
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If it has a bill like a duck, and a tail like a duck, and the silhouette of a duck, then it’s Jim Jordan’s gerrymandered congressional district.
10:39 AM - Aug 12, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Trump’s lawyers are right now concocting a plan to convert his upcoming Truth Social post violating the Protective Order into an NFT they’ll sell to the redcaps for the low price of $199.99. Quantities limited, so act now — operators standing by!
06:24 PM - Aug 11, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Democrats: Here are things we want to do for people.
Republicans: Here are people we want things done to.
04:23 PM - Aug 11, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Trump is preparing to attend the Iowa State Fair where it is a virtual certainty that he will be voted largest farm animal.
04:17 PM - Aug 11, 2023
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Abraxsys
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So apparently Shakespeare is now banned in Florida as part of the state’s “Shan’t Sayeth Gay” law. Because that’s where teens get their porn these days, from reading Romeo and Juliet and the Taming of the Shrew.
01:20 PM - Aug 11, 2023
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Abraxsys
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One of John Lauro’s most unpleasant tasks when reviewing sensitive documents with Trump will be searching his neck labia for any hidden cameras or recording devices.
01:17 PM - Aug 11, 2023
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Abraxsys
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People are always saying that history will judge Donald Trump, but I much prefer to see Tanya Chutkan do it now.
01:16 PM - Aug 11, 2023
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Abraxsys
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So is it Xitter now? Is that what people are calling it? I assume that’s with a soft “sh” sound, obviously.
10:36 PM - Aug 09, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Do I think Trump’s trial should be televised? I will PAY real money to watch every moment of every trial. Hell, I’m ready to sign up for a yearly subscription right now. Convict him and I’ll buy a commemorative deluxe box set of DVDs signed by Trump himself.
09:27 PM - Aug 08, 2023
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Abraxsys
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Trump Lawyer Logic: It’s not a car-jacking; it was just an aspirational suggestion that he become an Uber driver.
07:48 PM - Aug 06, 2023
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Abraxsys
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There’s nothing more on brand for Ron DeSantis than requiring a cheering section for a debate. No doubt, anyone caught not cheering would immediately be forced onto a bus and dropped off at Martha’s Vineyard.
04:36 PM - Aug 06, 2023
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Abraxsys
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We all listened to what he told them. And then we all watched what they did. Whomever says we shouldn’t believe our ears and our eyes are traitors.
04:23 PM - Aug 06, 2023
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