Chris Burns
A
Wait OJ died today? Is it possible to fly a flag at twice staff?
11:23 PM - Apr 11, 2024
Avatar
0
0
1
Chris Burns
A
If someone gives you a choice between blue or black pens do you pick blue or are you a psychopath?
02:35 PM - Apr 10, 2024
Avatar
0
0
1
Chris Burns
A
The total eclipse falls on #RexManningDay ? Say no more!
01:21 PM - Apr 08, 2024
Avatar
0
0
1
Chris Burns
A
I love Vegas because why is a bong store open 24 hours??? If you need a bong at 3 am you already own a bong! And if you don’t you’re sure as hell not going to get an Uber to go get a bong like what even happens here?
02:00 PM - Mar 27, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
thread 2 Threaded Spouts
My contribution to discourse for the #musical #Rent is that Rent is just #Fame with a drug problem
05:37 PM - Mar 12, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
Throwing a #PattyHearst Party this weekend in honor of the 50th anniversary of her bank robbery. Come dressed in your best beret
03:02 PM - Mar 04, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
Wait is Hello Kitty a Cryptid? Because she's a cat but she's obviously more, and we can't prove she exists but I believe in her, and also, like, there's a lot of fan fiction and erotica out there. And she's cool but some of her friends def have cryptid vibes
03:41 PM - Mar 01, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
It is with deep regret that I must inform you that Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning: Part One is somewhat good, actually
09:55 PM - Feb 26, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
Happy Feast Day Of The Pope’s Chair and also National (American) Margarita Day everyone! How can these be celebrated together?
06:19 PM - Feb 22, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
After the public domain masterpiece that is #WinniethePoohBloodandHoney and the upcoming #MickeysMouseTrap we desperately need a #PopeyeTheSailorMan movie. Maybe an origin story. I’m thinking the elevator pitch is “What if #JeffreyDahmer sailed on an aircraft carrier?”
04:56 PM - Feb 15, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
Throwing a Patty Hearst Party this weekend in honor of the 50th anniversary of kidnapping. You’re all invited except you might end up joining my far left militant army, see you there!
02:13 PM - Feb 09, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
Why can’t we just eat PopTarts for every meal I thought this was America?!
04:52 PM - Feb 04, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
I’m not saying it’s smart, responsible, or safe to do all my ironing drunk, but it IS a whole lot more fun
07:30 PM - Feb 01, 2024
Avatar Avatar Avatar
0
0
4
Chris Burns
A
My wife asked me what I was putting in a marinade and I screamed “No Gods No Kings No Recipes!” and then jabbered about lemon zest and also this chicken will not be good
06:12 PM - Jan 31, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
I just finished #RawDog by #JamieLoftus and now I just want to write erotica about Disney Corp Executives getting railed in various parts of the park because this has untapped smut potential and if that’s not a plug for Raw Dog I don’t know what is
06:38 PM - Jan 30, 2024
Avatar Avatar
0
0
2
Chris Burns
A
I think it’s time for Unabomber erotica I think the world is ready
03:05 PM - Jan 25, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
Recently there's been a Cybertruck parked around my neighborhood and it's just very lucky that every time I see it I'm too busy laughing to vandalize it like it deserves
05:40 PM - Jan 19, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
Them: That was the best thing I’ve ever eaten
Me: Thanks I wash the cast iron pan with soap
Them: [extreme violence]
06:14 PM - Jan 18, 2024
Avatar
0
0
1
Chris Burns
A
Did anyone read the terms and conditions for 2024 before clicking "I Agree"? Because I feel like we really need to read those this year
02:29 PM - Jan 12, 2024
Avatar
0
0
1
Chris Burns
A
My headcannon is that Psychiatrist Barbie left Barbieland for the real world, worked at Arkum, became Harley Quinn, and Billie Eilish’s “What Was I Made For?” is Harl’s breakfast sandwich working through its struggle
#Barbie #MargotRobbie #HarleyQuinn #BillieEilish #BirdsOfPrey
06:29 PM - Jan 11, 2024
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
Just found out one of parents' close friends (who loves Christmas) won't watch Hallmark movies because they have too much [checks notes] liberal agenda. Like, what?
06:36 PM - Dec 23, 2023
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
I know this is a year late and all but the Spirit Halloween movie slaps!
03:45 AM - Oct 05, 2023
0
0
0
Chris Burns
A
Wtf LinkedIn? Why would I need to know this???
04:52 PM - Sep 05, 2023
Avatar
0
0
1
Chris Burns
A
“Do you just want to start drinking now?”

“Not sure that’s a good idea. Do you?”

“Up to you.”

“I’ll rock paper scissors you for it? We’ll both be ‘drink’”
09:15 PM - Aug 31, 2023
Avatar Avatar
0
0
2
Chris Burns
A
You know, I don’t think there ever WAS a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
01:57 AM - Aug 29, 2023
Avatar Avatar Avatar
0
0
3
Chris Burns
A
Old white guy mad about new Snow White because “they change the thought processes of the characters, they just aren’t the original stories anymore.” Cause #Disney didn’t AL ALL change the 1812 Grimm’s Fairytale and it’s not just that there’s a POC Snow White. Sure, ass #snowwhite
06:00 PM - Aug 18, 2023
0
0
0
Bowerydoll
A
This is so damn huge. Hope this opens so many doors for these kids🖐🏾❤❤❤💡📚📚📚📚
#SupportFosterYouth #California #FreeStateCollegeInCalifornia #RacialJustice #RacialDisparities #opportunities #EndLegacyAdmissionsNOW #BBIMP #BlackSpoutible
05:30 PM - Jul 25, 2023 (Edited)
Avatar Avatar Avatar
0
9
84
Chris Burns
A
Dwayne The Rock Johnson is obviously igneous rock because he’s so hot fight me
07:46 PM - Jul 25, 2023
Avatar Avatar Avatar
0
0
3
Chris Burns
A
thread 3 Threaded Spouts
Never forget that in Sharknado 3 Ian Ziering and Tara Reid go to space with David Hasselhoff and use sharks for atmospheric reentry. Tara gives birth in a shark and passes her baby to Ian through a hole she cuts with her chainsaw arm. This is 3 of 6. There are also 3 spinoffs
01:43 AM - Jul 19, 2023
0
4
0
Chris Burns
A
MileyCyrus should make a cover album of songs from The Mountain Goats. I’m not joking that would be amazing, she could really lean into those! mountain_goats John Darnielle this could be a whole season of I Only Listen to The Mountain Goats, please do this!
08:22 PM - Jul 13, 2023
Avatar
0
0
1
loading...
{{ notificationModalContent }} {{ promptModalMessage }}