⚛️Shawn Athan
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🤣🤣🤣 They out here recreating the whole scene!
05:40 PM - Aug 07, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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I just need more cowbell.
04:20 PM - Nov 01, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
#halloween
05:07 PM - Oct 31, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Roses are Red
Candles are Lit
Do no Harm
But take no Shit
#halloween #witches
05:54 PM - Oct 29, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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How big should we go today ...
#halloween #funny
03:59 PM - Oct 28, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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When you type "new ideas for pumpkins" into a search engine and click on links you probably shouldn't.
#halloween #pumpkins
06:40 PM - Oct 25, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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The neighborhood cat lady is on the prowl.
Meow
#halloween
04:42 PM - Oct 22, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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At my house there isn't age judgement on Trick or Treating.
I don't care if you show up with a glass of wine & a smoldering Pall Mall, I'm still gonna give you some candy. #Halloween
03:24 PM - Oct 21, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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#JimJordan asked for a sign - he got one. #SpeakerOfTheHouse
04:02 PM - Oct 18, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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The costumes are so scary - like this one.
#halloween
05:15 PM - Oct 17, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but apparently Karen disagrees. #Halloween #funny
05:45 PM - Oct 14, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Happy Friday the 13th
04:23 PM - Oct 13, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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My mind is like my browser;
a dozen tabs are open, one is frozen & won't respond and I have no idea which one is playing a video so I can't stop it.
#fun
12:45 PM - Oct 11, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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My Gynecologist - Are you sexually active?
Me - No. I just lie there.

#funny
12:58 PM - Oct 08, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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I am not superstitious.
I am merely stitious.

#funny
05:16 PM - Oct 06, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Me "My ex is from the land down under."
Friend "Australia?"
Me "Hell."

#funny #relationships
03:54 PM - Oct 05, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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If I had a dog I would name it 5 Miles. That way I could legitimately tell people I walk 5 Miles every day.

#funny #walkingthedog
03:48 PM - Oct 04, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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As Grandma used to say "Sometimes you need to hug the person you hate. That way you'll know how big to dig the hole."
#funny
12:36 PM - Oct 02, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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I am deeply saddened by the fact that 'running away and the circus' is no longer a viable option.

#funny #bindle
12:45 PM - Sep 29, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Nothing says "I mean business" like using the full size cart at a liquor store.
#funny #alkeehaul
01:49 PM - Sep 28, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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I watched a documentary on marijuana last night.
I liked it so much that I have decided to watch all future documentaries that way.
#funny #weedconsumption
12:43 PM - Sep 27, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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#trump supporters are Agnorant -
extremely ignorant and extremely proud of it
#politics
11:58 AM - Sep 25, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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The band called Rage Against The Machine never specified what machine they were raging against but my guess would be a #$@! %& printer.
#funny #officeequipment
11:52 AM - Sep 24, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Schrödinger's Woman:
She exists simultaneously as both sexy as hell and a fat fucking bitch until the man's mediocre come-on is either accepted or rejected.
#funny #physics
12:18 PM - Sep 21, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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I read in the local paper that 2 men broke into the CVS & stole all the Viagra.
The Sheriff's dept. put out an All Points Bulletin to be on the lookout for 2 hardened criminals.
#funny #lawenforcement
05:32 PM - Sep 20, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Superman - flies
Wonder Woman - flies
Green Lantern - flies
Batman - pays $4.58 a gal

#funny #superheroes
11:29 AM - Sep 19, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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My Trainer "Exercise makes you look better naked."
Me "So does alcohol. What's your point?"

#funny #exercise
01:52 PM - Sep 18, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Does anyone else miss the old eBay.? I loved when you could bid on shit like - -
Justin Timberlake's half eaten French Toast.
Ad space on the seller's forehead.
The right to name a baby.
A grilled cheese sandwich with the face of the Virgin Mary.

#ebay #funny
03:35 PM - Sep 17, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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The worst part of going to Home Depot is trying to decide if I want to park closer to the entrance or closer to the exit. WHY SO FAR APART HOME D.??
#funny
12:06 PM - Sep 16, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Do you think the person who coined the phrase "One Hit Wonder" ever came up with another one.?
#funny
12:54 PM - Sep 15, 2023
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Dee Johnson
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Now that I have to get up 2 to 3 times a night, I finally understand why they call it the "wee" hours of the morning.
#funny
04:28 PM - Sep 14, 2023
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