Fare Play
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Why did the cop cross the road?

To give me a ticket☹
02:31 PM - Apr 06, 2023
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Drunk guy stumbles up to my cab. I have no intention of letting him in.

Drunk guy: Can you take me home?

Me: I don't know, its the end of my shift. I don't have a lot of time. Where do you live?

Drunk guy: Santa Monica

Me: Get in

Note: We are in Las Vegas
12:55 PM - Apr 06, 2023 (Edited)
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Fare Play
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Tourists always want to know where the locals go, but they never want to go where the locals actually go.
04:36 PM - Apr 05, 2023
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When an Uber driver cuts me off in traffic, I just remind myself that they're probably in a hurry to get to their next $3 ride
04:11 PM - Apr 05, 2023
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Oh, you're in a hurry? Let me just turn on my magical teleportation device and get you there instantly.
03:54 PM - Apr 05, 2023
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Of all the generations that followed mine, Gen Z is far and away my favorite.
11:57 PM - Apr 04, 2023
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Marge got the NY welcome she deserves
03:15 PM - Apr 04, 2023
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Love this pic
03:05 PM - Apr 04, 2023
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Oh, you want me to drive faster? Let me just sacrifice my safety and the safety of others for your satisfaction
03:25 PM - Apr 03, 2023
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Merry Arraignment Eve to those who celebrate
11:06 AM - Apr 03, 2023
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The blue checks are having a little fun before losing them
07:19 PM - Apr 01, 2023
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04:08 PM - Apr 01, 2023
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View from the back
03:52 PM - Apr 01, 2023
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Passenger: Do you know where I can buy some coke?

Me: Yeah

Passenger: Will you take me there?

Me: No
03:44 PM - Apr 01, 2023 (Edited)
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I prefer high riders over high rollers, they tip better.
01:10 PM - Apr 01, 2023
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If you ask a Las Vegas taxi driver to take you to the best strip club in town, he will take you to the club giving him the biggest kickback.

Note: This is never the best strip club in town
01:06 PM - Apr 01, 2023
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Fare Play
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Whenever a passenger tells me, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." I know I'm getting stiffed.
01:01 PM - Apr 01, 2023
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Happy April Maga Day
11:35 AM - Apr 01, 2023
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Gave a preacher a ride to church and he was lamenting that people don't pray as much as they used to. I told him to get his flock in my back seat and I'll get em to pray.
11:28 AM - Apr 01, 2023
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Got pulled over by a cop today. Turns out he needed directions.
11:21 AM - Apr 01, 2023
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Older gentleman gets in the cab.

Him: You know the difference between Las Vegas now and Las Vegas before they opened all these nightclubs?

Me: I give up

Him: I used to know which ones the hookers were
03:58 PM - Mar 31, 2023
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Politicians are just like my passengers. They don't know where they're going and they want to take the scenic route.
12:28 PM - Mar 31, 2023
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Pull up to red light. It's a nice day so the windows are open.

Guy in car next me: Cab drivers are assholes

Me: What company do you drive for?
12:00 PM - Mar 31, 2023
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Racist couple gets into the back of my cab.

Woman: Boy y'all got lotta Mexicans around here. We got some in NC but we know how to keep em in there place.

Me: My wife is Mexican

She shut up.

Note: My wife isn't Mexican.
11:56 AM - Mar 31, 2023 (Edited)
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Happy indictment day to those who celebrate.
11:12 PM - Mar 30, 2023
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Breaking: Ketchup bottles at Mar-a-lago
09:25 PM - Mar 30, 2023
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Pickup a couple coming out of a strip club and the young lady begins performing fellatio on her partner in the back seat

Young lady: Do you mind if we do this?

Me: Miss, I'm gonna need you to sit in the front
07:03 PM - Mar 30, 2023 (Edited)
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Congratulations to Donald Trump for winning his first popular vote. By a Manhattan grand jury.
06:58 PM - Mar 30, 2023
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Passenger: Why is my cab fare more than my airfare?

Me: I'm a better driver
03:57 PM - Mar 30, 2023
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Driving in Vegas is like being in a video game except with better graphics.
03:55 PM - Mar 30, 2023
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