Taylor Krahl
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I'd like to give a little shout-out to the MMA fighter with my same name WHO GOT MY HANDLE ON TWITTER SO I HAD TO ADD A DUMB UNDERSCORE AFTER MY NAME, BUT NOT ON SPOUTIBLE, BABY! FINDERS KEEPERS!
11:00 AM - Feb 03, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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(Sung to the Foldgers jingle)
The best part of freshly cleaned sheets 🎶
…is-when-your-child-comes-into-your-bed-in-the-middle-of-the-night-after-a-bad-dream-and ✨pees your bed✨
04:31 AM - Jan 06, 2024
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Taylor Krahl
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(Watching NYE coverage on TV)

My husband (sarcastically condescending): “I hope Ryan Seacrest is hosting.” (Pause) “But I guess that’d be more of a 2009 vibe.” 💀
12:31 AM - Jan 01, 2024
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Taylor Krahl
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Cooper’s Hawk wine club is an MLM, right?
06:55 PM - Dec 31, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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At what point in motherhood does my immune system turn superhuman and my children’s sneeze juices bounce off of me??????
12:56 PM - Dec 31, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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Give me Merkts cheese or give me death.
11:10 PM - Dec 30, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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Losing weight is cool until your t’s decide to take the elevator to the basement and you’re like, fuck.
12:28 AM - Dec 30, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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Some news - I’m an author!
11:02 PM - Dec 26, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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I’m not a professionally trained chef, but I *did* just sprinkle freshly grated Parmesan and drizzle hot honey on my Jack’s frozen pizza.
10:48 PM - Dec 26, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
thread 4 Threaded Spouts
With respect, twins give me a gentle ick. I know, and I’m sorry. But, finding out you’re a twin is like finding out you sit on the same side of a booth with your partner, take an entire week off of work for your birthday, or wear transitional lenses.
09:17 PM - Dec 26, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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Having kids is cool because one night you’ll put your 5 year old to bed and he’ll accidentally scratch your face. When you instinctively say “ouch,” he’ll become filled with rage and stomp out of his bedroom, so you’ll have to comfort him.
09:53 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
I always think the idea of an oversized sweater with a turtleneck sounds flirtyfestiveandfun until I put it on and immediately start dry heaving.
11:13 AM - Dec 23, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
Seems like a lot of the Twitter bigot asshats have found themselves on Threads.
10:14 PM - Dec 21, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
My dad once referred to me as a Wisconsin 12. (I live in Illinois)
10:06 PM - Dec 21, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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I’m “computer paper” years old
10:32 PM - Dec 20, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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I’m not sure who else uses the Marco Polo App, but as an ambassador, I have a link for two free months https://click.marcopolo.me...
07:19 PM - Sep 29, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
My milk adult husband refers to milk as “moo juice” 🥴
07:09 AM - Sep 06, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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Hello, allergy people. For YEARS I thought you were all whiny little babies, but I woke up on Friday as a new member of the Little Bitch Allergy Club for Girls and Boys, and I am NOT happy to be here.
04:28 PM - Sep 04, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
Honey tastes dirty. Don’t @ me.
09:23 PM - Sep 01, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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Wait, so how do people on the west coast or in the south know when it’s time to light a basic bitch fall candle if I wait until the air gets a little cold and crisp?? IS IT A DATE ON THE CALENDAR????? Seasons rule.
09:45 AM - Aug 27, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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A quickie = the “jump to recipe” button
05:20 PM - Aug 16, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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The next time I have a dream that I’m transported back in college, as my icebreaker for the first day of class, I will tell people that if I accidentally fall asleep on the couch at night, I will turn into an absolute fucking monster when I wake up confused as all hell.
12:37 AM - Aug 13, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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It’s all fun and games until you waterpik yourself in the eye.
11:48 PM - Aug 05, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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When 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 this 👏🏼 Sriracha 👏🏼 shortage 👏🏼 going 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 be 👏🏼 over?!?!
10:18 AM - Jul 30, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
thread 2 Threaded Spouts
There are two rules my husband follows when it comes to eating food. He either eats alone, or we eat together. IF I EAT SOMETHING NEAR HIM THAT HE IS NOT EATING IT KICKS OFF 8-17 MINUTES OF HELL FOR ME.
10:27 PM - May 24, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
thread 2 Threaded Spouts
Is “jibber” a universal BJ term, or just in my home?
10:30 PM - May 15, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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Me, just now, stoned.
“I would willingly get a stomach bug for cookie dough.”
10:12 PM - May 11, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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He be feeding me lobster and pasta
03:45 PM - May 11, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
thread 6 Threaded Spouts
Ladies and gentlemen of #Spoutible ! Please help a sister out by answering the polls in this thread and sharing this post! MY MARRIAGE DEPENDS ON IT!
10:45 PM - May 09, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
A
thread 2 Threaded Spouts
Putting >3 children to bed each night deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.
09:25 PM - May 08, 2023
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Taylor Krahl
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I want to use my one time travel machine pass to the meeting where someone suggested calling it “Puss in Boots.”
08:15 AM - May 08, 2023
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