mike
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visors are the assless chaps of the headwear world
05:25 PM - Feb 04, 2023 (Edited)
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mike
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remember the other day when all the companies making a product said it could cause an apocalypse and the next day they all went back to work to build and market that product
08:11 PM - Jun 02, 2023
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mike
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it’s one thing that ppl in england drive on the left side but it’s crazy they read from right to left
11:37 PM - May 25, 2023
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mike
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ok but which one is hbo dot com the channel the app
09:39 PM - May 22, 2023
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mike
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me, leaving a marvel movie: that wasn’t a movie that was a bunch of memes in a trench coat
04:17 PM - May 14, 2023
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mike
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you think Antifa is bad?? just wait til you hear of the radical new group called Antimo (anti-monarchists)
09:41 PM - May 07, 2023
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mike
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me, when they say puns aren’t funny:
09:53 PM - May 05, 2023
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mike
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hand?! you mean the original Cup Holder??
01:28 PM - Apr 30, 2023
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mike
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a LOT of ppl have asked me how many chuggas come before a choo choo. it’s a contentious topic, but the correct answer is four (4) chuggas
09:33 PM - Apr 27, 2023
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mike
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you can really measure the value of a website by the number @ symbols in a user’s handle
09:32 PM - Apr 27, 2023
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mike
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did jack dorsey just make mastodon again and now everyone is stoked on it
09:31 PM - Apr 27, 2023 (Edited)
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mike
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NO ONE IS CONfused
mike @dimooch
BREAKING: in honor of the NHL’s Florida Panthers and Tampa Bay Lightning, the NFL is introducing the newly rebranded Texas Cowboys to play alongside the Houston Texans in Texas. no one is confused.
03:24 PM - Apr 27, 2023
09:29 PM - Apr 27, 2023
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mike
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BREAKING: in honor of the NHL’s Florida Panthers and Tampa Bay Lightning, the NFL is introducing the newly rebranded Texas Cowboys to play alongside the Houston Texans in Texas. no one is confused.
03:24 PM - Apr 27, 2023
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mike
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was stitch from lilo & stitch a na’vi
08:39 PM - Apr 23, 2023
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mike
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the metric system for time really is just better. 100 seconds per minute and 100 mins per hour. americans just wouldn’t understand
05:03 PM - Apr 23, 2023
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mike
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twitter has replaced the legacy blue check mark system with a pay-to-play system that a CEO god king dishes out gratis to ppl for the lolz and controlling public discourse. it sucks ass
12:50 AM - Apr 23, 2023
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mike
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the conservatives really showed bud light
09:40 PM - Apr 17, 2023
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mike
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*chandler voice* WHUP ASS
08:32 PM - Apr 14, 2023
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mike
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no thank you i would prefer Not to be clinically judged by a stranger (go to the doctor)
08:34 PM - Apr 12, 2023
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mike
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have you guys tried metric standard letters. there are 100 letters and 10 vowels. it just makes more sense; you wouldn’t understand
09:47 PM - Apr 10, 2023
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mike
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everyone is “spending time with family” and not “liking my posts.” grow up
10:18 AM - Apr 09, 2023
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mike
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POV: Mary Magdalene showing up at Jesus’ tomb
09:53 AM - Apr 09, 2023
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mike
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we’re gonna bring back saying “ Bub”
09:21 AM - Apr 07, 2023
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mike
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not liking my tweets is dangerously close to being mean to me, which is strictly forbidden
11:10 PM - Apr 06, 2023
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mike
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typing pooeyes into my phone and getting upset it hasn’t sent me a chicken sandwich yet
11:07 PM - Apr 06, 2023
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mike
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i have a solid chunk of followers and i just wanna say thank you all and also plz don’t yell at me
07:02 PM - Apr 03, 2023
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mike
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sure i love logging on every day. Nothing like existing in a web site where i can’t tell if the ppl i argue with are real or trolls paid to argue with me. this is all fine and Cool
07:00 PM - Apr 03, 2023
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mike
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not enough is said about how spam calls got so bad that we just collectively gave up answering the phone and now will have to find other ways to communicate with one another
06:55 PM - Apr 03, 2023
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mike
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stranger than fiction shit that there are two (2) dudes residing in florida that tried to do a coup in the western hemisphere
01:46 PM - Apr 02, 2023
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mike
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serious question: what is the deal w this tuesday night Trump speech? how can he give a speech in florida after surrendering himself tuesday in new york?
12:25 PM - Apr 02, 2023
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mike
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weird twitter spoutible wya
12:24 PM - Apr 02, 2023
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