Shawn Carlow
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Happy 4th of July, America!
06:03 PM - Jul 04, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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I love baseball but it amazes me when guys casually toss sunflower seeds at their mouths and some seeds get in and some don't, because that's what also separates us from the animals: our ability to get all the food in our mouths.
12:19 PM - May 24, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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I saw one of those signs on a car that said "Baby on Board." I mean, how hard is it to convince a baby.
01:06 PM - May 19, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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Interesting true story:

Betty Ford was born Elizabeth Bloomer and had a first husband before Gerald Ford that she divorced after 5 years for cruelty and alcohol abuse. His name was William Warren.

So for five years, she was named Elizabeth Warren.
12:02 PM - May 15, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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Just called my Mom for Mother's Day, and we went through the long list of pains I have caused her starting before birth and continuing right up to the present day.
05:15 PM - May 14, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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Where are we gonna come up with the trillion dollars to repair the cracked infrastructure within the Republican Party?
06:13 PM - May 13, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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It was bound to happen, and four years ago, Denver became the first American city to decriminalize magic mushrooms. Denver saw the writing on the wall even though there wasn't actually any writing there.
01:07 AM - May 13, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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The next step beyond product placement in movies is upon us. Just find a story now about the product itself. So far this year, movies about:

Air Jordans
Casablanca Records
Flaming Hot Cheetos
Blackberry
02:38 PM - May 12, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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Tonight on CNN:

8pm: Trump and E. Jean: Was it all Harmless Fun?

9pm: Fred Trump: Builder of the People

10pm: Trump’s Outrageous Rally Moments: A Top Twenty List
12:00 PM - May 11, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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Fun fact: there have been six vice presidents from Indiana, but not even one president. I wonder why.
11:13 AM - May 11, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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Ready to not watch CNN’s town hall tonight. Not eager to watch a fast food network that’s serving nothing burgers and shit sandwiches.
07:55 PM - May 10, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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When animals finally start to talk, let's hope it's raccoons that lead the way, because, sure, they'll still toss your trash, but hopefully they can provide you with some helpful tips on composting?
02:02 PM - May 09, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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I like California. Of the six people at the small get-together/gathering I went to yesterday, I was the only American. The other five were Iranian, Italian, Norwegian, Japanese, and Bangladeshi.
08:00 PM - May 08, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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I’ll bet Clarence, the angel who got his wings, burned them off in a flaming rum punch accident.
07:26 PM - May 08, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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"Apples to Apples, dust to dust..." - at a recent card game enthusiast's funeral.
08:47 PM - Apr 24, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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Took my Earth Day tree down today. Yes, maybe I am celebrating wrong.
11:57 AM - Apr 23, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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Native Americans, when they hunted, traditionally used all parts of the animal. In related news, I’ve just captured an indoor spider.
08:45 PM - Apr 20, 2023
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Shawn Carlow
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Oh, look, I'm officially contributing to the Spoutible discourse.
07:59 PM - Apr 20, 2023
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