Steve Wilcox
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Sean Connery: Alexa, I need a babysitter.

Alexa: Here are links to training toilets.
11:40 PM - Apr 21, 2024
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Steve Wilcox
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Seems on-brand.
02:35 PM - Nov 29, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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07:22 PM - Oct 18, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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I call this composition The Worst Supper.
05:41 PM - Oct 17, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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I keep transposing the C and O when I type "account," and I'm worried I'm going to miss it before hitting Send one of these days.
01:02 PM - Oct 13, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Story turned out to be about a car crash. Disappointing.
12:37 PM - Sep 07, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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The radio ad for a local employment agency said “Express knows jobs,” but it sounded like “express nose jobs,” and that’s quite a different thing.
05:30 PM - Jun 24, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Me: I'm not going to die on that hill.
Spouse: You're going to die on a different hill?
Me: Yes, a much smaller one, probably that someone makes me walk up.
12:45 PM - May 23, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Play-Doh implies the existence of Work-Doh.
03:09 PM - May 12, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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When the restaurant gives you a coat and tie from the shame closet because you showed up casual.
12:21 PM - May 02, 2023 (Edited)
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Steve Wilcox
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Today's topic: Innocent letter transpositions that look dirty.
#1 : hwat
01:51 PM - Apr 21, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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The pharma ad said side effects include "rare, life-threatening bacterial infection of the perineum," and I didn't hear anything after that because my brain started screaming, "IF I TAKE THIS I COULD DIE OF A TAINT INFECTION?!?"
11:25 AM - Apr 20, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Recipe:

1. Remove the seeds and white rind from two Jalapeno peppers.

2. Using very hot water, wash the seeds and rind into a running garbage disposal.

3. Breathe.

Laughter at my choking on this accidental pepper spray recipe serves the entire family.
12:11 PM - Apr 19, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Look, ABC, you can't just say something inscrutable like "Your reason for living's your reason for leaving," and then protest, "Don't ask me what it means." You're the one who brought it up, you'd better have an explanation.
03:52 PM - Apr 18, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Sometimes the tv guide gives you beat poetry.
03:17 PM - Apr 17, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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And we'll have phở phở phở till our daddy takes the teaspoon away.
01:24 PM - Apr 14, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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I can call my sphinx friend “Sphinxy” or “The Sphinxmeister” all day long, but I call him “The Sphinxter” just once and he gets all stone-faced on me.
02:40 PM - Apr 13, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Just once I want to hear the announcer say, " 'Cops' is filmed in front of a live studio audience."
03:26 PM - Apr 12, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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A Wired article referred to "intense particle winds and radiation emitted by the hot young stars". In case you needed yet more reasons to stay away from Justin Bieber.
02:30 PM - Apr 11, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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I clearly said, "Kielbasa es su basa," but my wife continues to pretend she didn't hear me.
04:37 PM - Apr 10, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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I prefer to vape my burgers, but you do you.
08:53 PM - Apr 07, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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That moment when you're relieved that "cocktail" is one word.
04:41 PM - Apr 05, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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The shop was called Billy's Leather and Fur, because calling it Billy's Skin and Hair would have been creepy.
04:42 PM - Apr 04, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Damn, that's at least a dozen pizzas.
03:44 PM - Apr 03, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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I just cannot hear the word "Yemeni" without thinking "yumpin".
05:30 PM - Mar 31, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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The Stanley Steamer ad just asked, "When's the last time you had a professional cleaning?" Excuse me? RUDE!
03:29 PM - Mar 30, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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"Ineffable" and "effable" aren't really antonyms, are they?
08:48 PM - Mar 29, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Every day, in every way, I'm engaging in broad generalizations.
11:44 AM - Mar 28, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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There's no two ways about it, the first clause in this sentence is grammatically confusing.
02:13 PM - Mar 27, 2023
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Steve Wilcox
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Tighter belts?
02:11 PM - Mar 26, 2023
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