Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 1/17
I still remember the feeling I had when a trusted clinical psychiatrist told me to my face I was a sociopath. I was defensive of course because the only frame of reference to the term was always negative violent killers, remorseless users I had no idea how vast a spectrum sociopathy has.
02:10 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 2/17
Mind you this was after social security trying to knock me off SSI had me go in for an evaluation, and their psychiatrist telling me I was too intelligent to be schizophrenic...yeah it was a messy time. I was close to breaking stressed out from my home situation. I went to get help.
02:11 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 3/17
Doctor Tadeo did not mince words with me about how I utilize my thinking to survive, how I don't process emotions normally but I do have them. How normalized social concepts fail to interest me and how I had to work on ways to have healthy life choices and boundaries.
02:12 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 4/17
But the truly eye opening thing she said to me was you are a sociopath and this is not a condemning of you. This is an explanation of why you do the things you do. Survival is key I did things I thought would make life easier for me to stay alive. Went with the flow even in dangerous waters.
02:13 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 5/17
Everything from letting family push me around to former partners was done because it was just easier to let them dictate things and survive off that. Love had no real place in my actions just being able to survive as sad as that sounds. Who I was wasnt important I was whoever they needed me to be.
02:14 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 6/17
I also had real issues with my anger that I am able to easily talk about now. It did not come out in normal ways, I am the type to let things build up, then lash out in a very big way. Its not healthy but it was the only way I could handle stress.
02:15 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 7/17
At worse when I had to get into physical confrontations my brain was already mentally justifying the potential chance of killing someone. This is not a healthy way of thinking I know now. But when you are in that moment of extreme anger you aren't thinking about anything but harming the target.
02:16 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 8/17
Couple this with my need to avoid most people, I always thought it was just introversion but honestly there is a deeper aspect. I was always okay on my own, preferring books to people, now PC or pets to people. I can tolerate some humans but for the most part if its not digital Im not interested.
02:18 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 9/17
In my personal relationships now I have had to learn that I do care about my partner and child, I just don't show them the same kind of emotions most would because I can't. I do mom things to show kiddo I care and do my best to show Greg I care but I am not a lovey dovey person I can't be.
02:19 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 10/17
Having a creative outlet helps for my scattered thoughts but it can only do so much. I need to keep my mind occupied so that I dont slip into toxic patterns its a constant work. And as the doctor said its a part of the process. When she told me this it made understanding my sociopath mind easier.
02:21 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 11/17
But I can be honest when she called me one I was scared, what would this mean for kiddo? Could this be used to take him from me? I didn't give a rats ass about what folks thought about me in this situation. I was more worried for it being used to disrupt the harmony my house was finally getting.
02:21 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 12/17
The doctor assured me due to the help I was getting and the fact I was caring for kiddo well it would not be a problem. But they understood my fears. Most don't understand what being a sociopath means. Hell I am still learning after my diagnosis its a constant learning process.
02:23 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 13/17
And too many think they know who and what we are they blanket us under an even brush of "crazy" without realizing due to mental stress, trauma and influence a person with sociopath tendencies can be a withdrawn weirdo or a destructive force. There is no rhyme or reason to it.
02:24 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 14/17
Some of us manipulate, why? Because for some odd reason people feel comfortable around us, eerily so. Maybe our seemingly quiet nature makes folks feel they can let their guard down? I dunno ive lost track of how many times people overshared mess with me. With a manipulative side it would be bad.
02:25 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 15/17
But fortunately for some folks my level of sociopath has an extreme level of apathy I just cut it off if I feel like something/someone is a waste of energy. Folks are free to yap at me I am free to go nah not interested. Even if I initially showed interest in that person. Its cruel but its my way.
02:27 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 16/17
I am working slowly to get better on social skills online at least. But I still think its better to be upfront with people trying to be "friends" with me. You may end up feeling like its a one sided venture, its my way to protect from the inevitable fall out. Thats how my mind works.
02:28 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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thread 17/17
I dunno if this thread will help anyone and I know I didnt break down what sociopath is in technical or medical terms. I figured folks should see the mindset of someone who is living with this without the clinical stuff. This is the realness of mental health. Hope it helps. /end
02:30 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Jane Cudmore
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Thank you for this! Wonderful insight into your world. You offered practical examples of how you experience the world and how we might experience you. I’m delighted to meet you on this platform. Looking forward to joining you on your journey. #following
03:19 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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Tynisa Woke Witch Gen X Walker
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In response to Jane Cudmore.
Thank you I don't think id could have been this open years ago. Now I hope that people see mental illness as the health issue it is not a social stigma.
03:34 PM - Jul 05, 2023
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