Timara (she/her)
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thread 1/12
So a Black man said a woman's hyper-independence is not a man's problem. He said that in response to some of the women he's friends with sharing their frustrations about dating.

I have thoughts. Hold my tea. Buckle in, it's about to get rough.
08:34 PM - Sep 06, 2023 (Edited)
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 2/12
"Hyper-independence is an extreme form of self-reliance where an individual compulsively avoids relying on others for support or assistance."

"Hyper-independence can be a trauma response when someone learns from a traumatic experience that they can’t rely on others for protection or support."
08:38 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 3/12
I'd also like to add that he asked women how they navigate their hyper-independence and dating. Someone responded that she finds a lot of men want to be mommy'd and expanded from there.

His response: That's not hyper-independence.
08:42 PM - Sep 06, 2023 (Edited)
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 4/12
I'm still so pissed thinking about this exchange that I can't even form logical thoughts right now.
08:44 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 5/12
What the fuck man! What the entire fuck!

In a world where men rule to have the audacity to come out of your mouth and say that hyper-independence, which is often a trauma response to neglect and abuse, isn't a man's problem.

Who the fuck do you think was doing the neglect and abuse?
08:47 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 6/12
Why do you think there's even an environment where that type of abuse is acceptable?

Like why is the math not mathing with you?

Oh, you must be one of the men who benefits from a woman's hyper-independence...
08:49 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 7/12
You're saying the quiet part out loud and don't even realize it.

Because women wouldn't need to overcompensate for a lack of support if they :: drumroll :: had support.

This is the equivalent of someone complaining that someone doesn't open up to them when they don't provide a safe space.
08:53 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 8/12
And let's not get lost on the fact that right now Black women are literally seeing Black men do think pieces about why a Black woman deserved to have a brick thrown in her face for rejecting a Black man.
08:55 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 9/12
The dating scene is a hellscape when your target is cishet men because they don't want to do the work to even be likable. They don't want to heal, they just want to exist and expect everyone to work around them.
08:57 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 10/12
And it isn't lost on me that this very same man approached me because he felt I was interesting and wanted to know more about me.

And then when given the floor to know more, he didn't ask a single question.
08:58 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 11/12
So instead of asking women how they navigate this cesspool, turn to other Black men and ask them why they aren't stepping up. Ask them what they're doing to heal their misogynoir. Ask them what they're doing to heal their past trauma, in general.
09:00 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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thread 12/12
You can start with yourself because your misogynoir is showing.
09:01 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Kimberlee (Kimbrûlée)
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In response to Timara (she/her).
I didn't see the exchange but it sounds like the same person who asked why women would be offended when a man says he is hard working and wants a woman to cook for him and rub his feet. I just can't with these people!
09:10 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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Timara (she/her)
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In response to Kimberlee (Kimbrûlée).
The exchange didn't happen here, but he definitely gave that same energy.
09:16 PM - Sep 06, 2023
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