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14 THINGS MEN THINK DURING CUNNILINGUS
By Jon the Nudist
08:40 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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1. I should have looked up “clitoris” on Wikipedia before this whole thing started.
08:40 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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2. Is she still watching TV? I can’t tell if her eyes are closed or if she’s still watching Conan…wait, is she looking at me? No, her eyes are closed. Are they? Yeah. Wait, no?
08:40 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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3. Does she want me to touch her boobs? I think I can reach her boobs from here. Nope, I can’t. I’m just kind of awkwardly clawing at her rib cage. Abort.
08:41 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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4. Oh, fuck. I have to cough. Will she notice if I cough directly into her vagina? No, don’t run the risk. Suppress it, dude.
08:41 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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5. Dammit, she did want me to touch her boobs. Now she’s touching her own boobs. Wait, this is awesome. STOP STARING AND KEEP GOING.
08:41 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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6. Are we going to have sex soon? (Full disclosure, this one is pretty much being thought the whole time. It’s also being thought when a man isn’t giving oral, like when he’s engaging you in casual conversation, or eating a hot dog, or sleeping.
08:42 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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7. Whatever happened to Ashanti? Is she still making music? I have to remember to Google her later.
08:42 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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8. My beard is going to smell like vulva later. I think I’m ok with this. I know I’m ok with this. (NOTE: This only pertains to men with beards)
08:43 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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9. Lying on my stomach with an erection isn’t ideal. Where the fuck do I put my dick right now? Ok, I’m going to try to just point it down…nope. Everything happening to my dick is awful right now. Would she notice if I cut a hole in her mattress and made myself a cock burrow?
08:44 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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10. I STILL CAN’T TELL IF YOUR EYES ARE CLOSED FROM THIS ANGLE. ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME? SHOULD I WINK OR SOME SHIT?
08:44 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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11. Ok, she’s arching her back. Her right leg is twitching. I’m the fucking man right now. Don’t lose focus. Do not forget to look up Ashanti’s career trajectory later.
08:45 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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12. SHE IS LITERALLY CRUSHING MY HEAD WITH HER THIGHS WHERE DID SHE GET THIS STRENGTH FROM SHE IS PUSHING MY HEAD INTO HER VAGINA.

IF THIS IS HOW I AM GOING TO DIE THEN SO BE IT I WILL LEAVE THIS WORLD AS I CAME INTO IT.
08:46 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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13. She came? Yeah. Yeah? Ok, yeah. I’m allowed up now.
08:46 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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14. Alright, I’m going to wait for about two seconds and then just try and put my penis in her vagina. No fear.

This list was dreamt up by Cosmo writer

💋🎙️💋
08:47 PM - Nov 23, 2023
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