L.E Gray ⚓ on Spoutible

Got a critique saying that when written in 1st person, there is no need for "I see, I feel, I hear" etc. I agree to a point. True using I too much is bad.
In scene Hallie's (4 y) is on her uncle's lap, who sees her nod while they look map together
"I" wrong or not?
#WritingCommunity

01:39 AM - Feb 06, 2024

Erik Buchanan

@ErikBuchananAuthor

In response to L.E Gray ⚓.

It's a style choice. I eliminate them because I feel it makes the action more immediate. We already know who is seeing it.

For me, when in doubt, take it out, check it out, and if it doesn't work, put it back in,

But as I said, that's a style choice.

07:15 AM - Feb 06, 2024

L.E Gray ⚓

@LEGray

Style choice? Never thought it like that. Had understood it was big nono, something that writers have to avoid like plague 😅..

In response to Erik Buchanan.

08:32 AM - Feb 06, 2024

Erik Buchanan

@ErikBuchananAuthor

In response to L.E Gray ⚓.

For me, if the narrator seeing it causes an emotional or physical reaction, it's useful:

"He sees her head nod and his horror rises. He grabs it before it falls off."

"Her head nods and his horror rises. He grabs it before it can fall off."

I will look at both and pick the stronger one.

09:15 AM - Feb 06, 2024

L.E Gray ⚓

@LEGray

In response to Erik Buchanan.

Interesting 🤔 ...I think I look at it different point of view. Like in this scene.. Because if you keep the small child sitting in your lap, back toward you, what you see is mostly the top of the head. So thats why I wrote narrator to see it aka "I see"

09:50 AM - Feb 06, 2024

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