AR McGee on Spoutible

2/29

It's hard for me now to get the years exactly right, but I think it was New Years Day 1989 when I went into downtown Philadelphia for their annual Mummers parade.

07:54 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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3/29

It was a really cold day and I wanted to get something warm to drink and I thought hot chocolate, and then remember my cousin worked at this diner a couple blocks off of the parade route.

07:54 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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4/29

The place was called Duck soup deli, It was gay owned and operated, most of the clientele was gay and it was smack dab in the middle of Philly's gayborhood. As I entered I realized the place was a madhouse, every table was full tons of people trying to get to go orders.

07:56 AM - Jun 16, 2023 (Edited)

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5/29

The owner was behind the counter helping several people at once. He saw me and he yelled. "Hey aren't you Pebble's cousin?"

07:57 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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6/29

So at this diner most of the staff were gay men. And most were white men. But that's another story. The cook who worked the day shift was a fellow that everybody called Mother. And if you started working at this diner, Mother would give you a name. Pebble's was the nickname for my cousin Tom.

07:58 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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7/29

So just so it's clear, once you got your nickname, it was really rare for anyone at the diner to call you by your actual name. Tom was Pebble's and that was that. My cousin came out from the back cuz he was a dishwasher and give me a hug, and the owner said hey we're slammed busy. Do you want a job?

07:59 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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8/29

I had never waited tables before in my life, and 5 minutes later I had on an apron. I had a notepad and I was taking orders and waiting on tables. As I would bring the orders back to the kitchen, this is where I met Mother for the first time.

08:01 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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9/29

As first impressions go, I did not like mother. He was rude abrupt and mean for no reason. And I heard the feeling was mutual. He thought I was a big phony with my Pollyanna, Mary Tyler Moore act as he put it, " nobody's really that nice."

08:02 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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10/29

So when the owner offered me a permanent shift working as the Sunday brunch waiter, I had some hesitation because it meant I would be working with mother every week. The other waiters telling me that I could easily make $500 in tips on that shift. Every week changed my mind and I took the gig.

08:04 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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11/29

After 2 or 3 weeks I came in on a Sunday morning and the owner was there and I told him that I was going to quit after that day and when he asked why I told him I just couldn't stand working with mother. Mother, whose real name was Tommy was just too tough for me.

08:05 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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12/29

I told the owner this, I said I just hate that b****. And the owner laughed and said it's hilarious cuz he just said exactly the same thing about you about 5 minutes ago. So the owner had a talk with mother and again mother said the funny thing and they always said no Tommy, That's really who he is.

08:06 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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13/29

Somehow this reset everything. That shift we started really talking to each other. I found out that he was born in the 1920s. That he was a gay man. And that to him that meant a quick tryst every now and again in a dark room in a gay bookstore or bath house with a guy you'd never see again.

08:07 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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14/29

His experience was that you had to hide who you were to be safe. To stay alive. The idea that you could live open, have romantic relationships, & just be authentically gay everywhere made absolutely no sense in his head. Me talking about romance & dating made me sound like I was from another planet.

08:09 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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15/29

After a few weeks of us sharing about each other and talking our relationship totally changed. We were thick as thieves. The owner commented on how adorable we were together. I come in and talk about my latest boyfriend, and mother would marvel on every word.

08:10 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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16/29

He'd poke fun at me over the fact that this week's guy was the love of my life, just like last week's guy. One day, I told Mother I was in love and that my boyfriend and I were going to move in together. I could see that just perplexed him, as well as made him happy, as well as gave him some regret.

08:11 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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17/29

Mother asked me "Well, which one of you is the man?" And I said well we both are. My mother said no who puts it in. And I said well we both do. A mother said "so you flip flop like pancakes?" To this day I can't think about that moment without smiling and laughing.

08:12 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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18/29

So a few months after the boyfriend and I moved in together. Mother asked how it was going and I told mother how happy I was and talked to him about my relationship. And mother got really serious and said something like "Baby, I'm so happy you're happy!. I wish I could have this too."

08:13 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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19/29

And I said well of course you can. You just have to do it. You have to try, and mother said " oh no! It would never work for me. I'm an old girl." Mother was at least 63 at this point. She said I'm glad you were lucky and you were born at the time you were, so that you could have these experiences.

08:15 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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20/29

He continued talking about himself in the third person, which he did alot, "But mother could never have this because of when she was born. Mother was just dealt a bad hand in life."

08:17 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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21/29

That made me sad for him. He never did have his relationships like mine, but I did start to notice him open up and be more honest about who he was with his friends outside of the neighborhood and his family.

08:18 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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22/29

The owner took us to this big event in Philly Halloween this ball at a big hotel and we all were costumes but mother just wore a strangle long strand of pearls. I thought that was one of the most courageous acts I've ever seen him do. And that made me happy.

08:18 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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23/29

Mother passed away a little while later from AIDS related illnesses. But before he died I was able to tell him how much he meant to me and that having him was like having a third bonus parrot that happened to be gay. Who helped me learn how to navigate the world as a gay man.

08:19 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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24/29

Now the story of his death is a whole another drama that involves I kid you not levitating gift baskets, and a car seemingly pulled through a cemetery by mother's will from above. But I'll hold that for another time. I promised to explain about my spellable handle.

08:21 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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25/29

When he passed I remembered his words about being dealt a bad hand. And coincidentally, I had recently started dabbling in drag. So to honor mother I made my drag name Delta Badhand and then I started using it all over social media as my handle.

08:22 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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26/29

I'll look for a photo of me in drag and attach it to this thread if I can find it. I have one photo of mother but I don't know if it's my place to post it though. I really really want to.

08:23 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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27/29

So back to the nickname in the diner where my cousin was pebbles. Mother named another guy. I was really close friends with Sybil because he was moody, Molly was another guy. But for some reason I didn't get a girl's name.

08:25 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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28/29

Instead when I cut a finger while slicing lemons, I said out loud. I" have a boo-boo" while blood was gushing, mother bandaged it up for me, and you never heard my real name in that diner again from then on I was Boo-Boo. 😃

08:26 AM - Jun 16, 2023

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