Steeven Orr Else on Spoutible

THREAD

I’m tired of being poor, folks.

I work a good job.

I make good money… for a single guy.

But with a wife and three kids.

I’m about to turn 51 and I’ve never owned a new car.

Every time I see light, every time the work I put in starts to pay off…

1/11

02:00 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

Shit happens.

Be it a pandemic that allows corporations to raise their prices so high that despite your raise and the debts you’ve paid off, you still don’t have enough to make ends meet.

Or maybe your driver’s side window stopped working/stuck in the down position.

2/11

02:01 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

Or , what if, suddenly, all the drains in n the house just stop draining. All of them.

You have two vehicles, but both have over 200,000 miles and one or both is bound to shit the bed any day now.

You got medical and dental bills you can’t keep up with, so you don’t go…

3/11

02:01 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

…which just means you’ll be spending more on your health/teeth later.

I’ve never taken the family on a trip, road or otherwise.

We have good times, you bet your ass we have good times, but fuck, I sure would like to be sleeping right now rather that sitting here…

4/11

02:01 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

…full of worry. Full of fear. Hoping I can get my family through tomorrow with everything working so that we can start all over the next day.

You know, the origins of this, truly, is on me.

I was terrible with my money when I was single, and once I figured it all out…

5/11

02:02 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

…it was too late.

I dug out this lake-sized crater with a few Ill-chosen sticks of dynamite and I’ve been working and hustling ever since to fill it all back in.

But again, I work my way up to earth mover, and it’s quickly taken away, replaced by a broken shovel.

6/11

02:02 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

So yeah. I’m weary and frightened and depressed and unfocused and apathetic and jaded and worried and there is this lava pit that is my rage just bubbling there below the surface.

I’m happy, at times, I can be happy and grateful and loving.

But mostly I am weary.

7/11

02:02 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

I mean, it’s all very exhausting, especially when I realize that I’m in the last third of my life.

So, yeah, I have a great fucking mask. I mean, one of the absolute best that I wear most of the time.

But underneath is just this deep malaise.

8/11

02:03 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

10-15 years ago I was more hopeful and optimistic that I’d turn it all around.

But any hopeful/optimistic feelings I once had died out a little over 5 years ago.

I’ve never wanted much.

I just don’t want to worry, like all the time. I don’t want my chest to go cold…

9/11

02:03 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

…whenever any member of my family tells me they need something: New shoes, work clothes, dentist appointment because their teeth hurt.

I mean, even a request for a pack of index cards has nearly shut me down before.

10/11

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

02:03 AM - Jun 19, 2023

Steeven Orr Else

@SteevenOrrElse

In response to Steeven Orr Else.

I feel like I’m a hair’s breadth away from a panic attack and that it could hit me at any moment.

It’s only a matter of time.

Anyway, I’m not sure why I’m telling y’all this. But there are so, so many more like me out there.

11/11

#ThisIsMyAmerica

02:04 AM - Jun 19, 2023

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