If you reply to a spout of mine and I like what you have to say, I'll probably at least try to follow you.
04:02 PM - Mar 03, 2024
Now watch: As soon as his football career is over (maybe even sooner), Harrison Butker will run for public office and claim that the NFL tried to cancel him.
06:35 PM - May 16, 2024
Mike Johnson can talk all he likes about how much he loves and worships God, but he's about to find out that once you tie yourself to Donald Trump, not even God can get the stink off you.
12:31 PM - May 16, 2024
Mike Johnson is one of those guys who makes a BFD about how religious he is. But from where I'm sitting, the only thing he worships is Donald Trump.
12:43 AM - May 16, 2024
Our landscapers have at least joined the 20th Century by finally providing over-ear protection to the workers using their extremely noisy mowers and leaf blowers.
Now, if only they would join the 21st and get electric equipment...
Now, if only they would join the 21st and get electric equipment...
12:56 PM - May 14, 2024
Luka Doncic ended the night with a quadruple double: points, rebounds, assists and bitching to the refs.
I shouldn't pile on though. Poor guy will probably beat himself up all night over the key free throw he bricked.
I shouldn't pile on though. Poor guy will probably beat himself up all night over the key free throw he bricked.
12:25 AM - May 14, 2024
As of right now, the Rangers have scored more goals on Carolina power plays than the Hurricanes have.
08:27 PM - May 13, 2024
My take on Trump sleeping in court: He doesn't dare take the Adderall or whatever he uses before every rally, because he’d erupt. Combine that with having to show up on time every morning (new to him), plus his age and general poor health, and I'm surprised he's stayed awake as much as he has.
06:24 PM - May 13, 2024
Bill Maher actually titled his book "What This Comedian Said Will Shock You"?
Why not just "I'm a Flaming Asshole"?
Whenever I see any public figure who takes pride in being shocking, offensive, etc., I just assume that that person is an asshole. At least nine times out of ten, I'm right.
Why not just "I'm a Flaming Asshole"?
Whenever I see any public figure who takes pride in being shocking, offensive, etc., I just assume that that person is an asshole. At least nine times out of ten, I'm right.
04:21 PM - May 13, 2024
I hate fighting in the NHL and think it should be done away with.
There, I said it. Fight me. (Actually, don't.)
Srsly, if you want to fight, be a boxer. Or a pro wrestler, if you don't care about, you know, verisimilitude or actual competition. Leave hockey to guys who want to play hockey.
There, I said it. Fight me. (Actually, don't.)
Srsly, if you want to fight, be a boxer. Or a pro wrestler, if you don't care about, you know, verisimilitude or actual competition. Leave hockey to guys who want to play hockey.
03:07 PM - May 13, 2024
So, Kristi Noem...about to become the next George Santos, or already there?
For me, "I stared down Kim Jong Un" put her over the finish line and made her a full-blown, passport-carrying citizen of Santostan. But YMMV.
For me, "I stared down Kim Jong Un" put her over the finish line and made her a full-blown, passport-carrying citizen of Santostan. But YMMV.
06:16 PM - May 07, 2024
These people keep demanding a Speaker who can make Democrats disappear. They don't want a conservative; what they want is a magician.
04:08 PM - May 07, 2024
My prediction: Marjorie Taylor Idiot will give up bringing her motion to vacate for a vote and immediately proclaim herself to be the biggest martyr of "the uniparty" since...the last Republican who didn't get every fucking thing they wanted.
04:07 PM - May 07, 2024
The timeline for industries that market addictive and harmful goods/services:
1. Denial
2. Deflection
3. Fighting regulation
4. Reluctantly accepting regulation
Big Tobacco is currently at stage 4, Big Food at 2, Big Sports Gambling at 1.
1. Denial
2. Deflection
3. Fighting regulation
4. Reluctantly accepting regulation
Big Tobacco is currently at stage 4, Big Food at 2, Big Sports Gambling at 1.
04:25 PM - May 06, 2024
The next step for Kristi Noem is to dye half of her hair white and start smoking cigarettes in long, long holders.
11:58 AM - May 06, 2024
Dear Kristi Noem: You've gone the limit on making yourself into live-action Cruella De Vil, all right? You look like Cruella, act like her, even sound like her. We get it. Good job. No need to keep the bit going by calling on Biden to shoot *his* dog, OK? I mean, you're selling past the close here.
12:30 AM - May 06, 2024
When I said the other day Noem should double down by demanding Biden shoot *his* dog, I THOUGHT I WAS JOKING.
That woman is a stone fucking psycho. She's a more trigger-happy version of Ron DeSantis.
https://www.rollingstone.c...
That woman is a stone fucking psycho. She's a more trigger-happy version of Ron DeSantis.
https://www.rollingstone.c...
06:57 PM - May 05, 2024
How the FUCK did Pastrnak know the puck would come off the boards at that exact angle?
11:33 PM - May 04, 2024
Cubs, I love you, and it's great that you won, but could we PLEASE have just ONE ninth inning that doesn't make me chew my fingernails down to the elbow?
04:54 PM - May 04, 2024
What do you think Noem's next move will be?
1) She'll claim her ghostwriter misquoted her
2) She'll double down and demand that Biden shoot HIS dog
3) She'll buy a new wire-haired pointer and claim that it's Cricket, she's been alive this whole time, and that was all just a joke hahaha
1) She'll claim her ghostwriter misquoted her
2) She'll double down and demand that Biden shoot HIS dog
3) She'll buy a new wire-haired pointer and claim that it's Cricket, she's been alive this whole time, and that was all just a joke hahaha
03:52 PM - May 04, 2024
TFW you pay attention to the Cubs game you've been neglecting all day just in time to see Christopher Morel homer 😁
03:13 PM - May 04, 2024
Henry Cuellar, so we are told, is a conservative, anti-abortion Democrat.
Isn't it interesting how much "conservative" has come to correlate with "bad character"?
Isn't it interesting how much "conservative" has come to correlate with "bad character"?
02:58 PM - May 04, 2024
A classic Trump formula: "I can't [do thing that would expose me to factual scrutiny] because of [non-sequitur]."
2015: "I can't release my tax returns because I'm being audited."
2024: "I can't testify at my trial because I'm under a gag order."
2015: "I can't release my tax returns because I'm being audited."
2024: "I can't testify at my trial because I'm under a gag order."
12:52 AM - May 03, 2024
"I'm just telling the truth!"
If every stone racist who ever said that had been obliged to send me a nickel, I could have retired decades ago.
If every stone racist who ever said that had been obliged to send me a nickel, I could have retired decades ago.
06:21 PM - May 02, 2024
Dear Mike Johnson: We know that, after leaning on Dems to do your job, you have to do performative shit like go to Columbia and act tough. Just don't overdo it or get too obnoxious, OK? That's one of the ways Kevin McCarthy got in trouble.
04:59 PM - Apr 30, 2024
Marjorie Taylor Idiot is going to have to vacate or get off the pot pretty soon. Once Congress is back in session, the longer she talks about it without doing it, the weaker she'll look. I wonder how Brat Gaetz is advising her?
03:58 PM - Apr 29, 2024
I have no idea how hockey goalies do that thing where they butterfly and put the inner edges of both leg pads perfectly flat on the ice. How do they not twist their knees and ankles like pretzels?
02:58 PM - Apr 29, 2024
(Edited)
Actual quote from Indian PM Narendra Modi, at a campaign rally, per the WaPo:
"This new India comes into your home to kill you."
WHAT? He just flat-out admits he's a murderous tyrant, and he's poised to get re-elected?
"This new India comes into your home to kill you."
WHAT? He just flat-out admits he's a murderous tyrant, and he's poised to get re-elected?
02:36 PM - Apr 29, 2024
Actual headline in the WaPo:
"They bought homes for under $1 million. Here’s what they learned."
Here's what I learned: To scream at how insane, cruel, ridiculous prices for housing (of all kinds) gets normalized like that.
"They bought homes for under $1 million. Here’s what they learned."
Here's what I learned: To scream at how insane, cruel, ridiculous prices for housing (of all kinds) gets normalized like that.
01:28 PM - Apr 29, 2024
I always thought Kristi Noem bore more than a passing resemblance to Cruella De Vil. But jeez, lady, no need to be so literal about it.
11:46 AM - Apr 29, 2024
Maybe I'm just grumpy because they're beating the Cubs, but what IS it with those lemon-yellow-and-baby-blue kits the Red Sox are wearing today? They look ridiculous. The Red Sox have a perfectly serviceable color, right there in the name.
04:38 PM - Apr 27, 2024
