Cory Callewaert
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No wonder old people are always so scared; the only thing missed from AARP’s War-of-the-Worlds-esque summer mailer are “Kids on Lawn” and “Antifa”
06:54 PM - Jun 19, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Wait, he kept his golf outfit in the same boxes as classified documents..?

Once again, to defend himself he has to argue he’s a moron unfit to be President.
06:47 PM - Jun 19, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Trader Joe’s, you son-of-bitch, you’ve done it again!
12:59 PM - Jun 08, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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5-year-old: Do you like my turtle?

Me: I sure do.

5: It has no eyes.

Me: No, it doesn’t.

5: That’s okay.

Me: Yeah.
10:29 PM - May 28, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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I fear we may have enabled our 5-year-old’s delusion a bit too much… Dude truly thinks he’s Batman, like to the point where I’m hiding the grappling hooks and checking the news in the morning to see if any crime was thwarted by a mysterious, tiny figure emerging from the shadows.
12:01 AM - May 18, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Took kids to high school baseball game, brought snacks and some kettle corn fell into some peanut butter, and, well…
08:56 PM - May 02, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Five-Year-Old’s Groot Chia Pet Day ??: The lower part is growing perfectly, but the top of the head… Not so much. Seed mixture was probably too thick. I spread it out a bit and found lots of sprouts, hopefully they dry out and grow.
06:49 PM - May 02, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Me: What are you doing, making art?

Five-year-old: Yeah. Superman does that sometimes; makes art.
04:43 PM - Apr 29, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Five-Year-Old’s Groot Chia Pet Day Nine: Our Chia Groot has entered puberty. I was getting a bit worried, but it turns out he was a late bloomer.

#IAmGroot
04:43 PM - Apr 22, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Five-Year-Old’s Groot Chia Pet Day Three: as instructed we waited for the seeds to dry and then filled it with water; no growth yet, but could be as early as midweek! Exciting stuff

#IAmGroot
11:31 PM - Apr 16, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Apparently yesterday was just one of those days where you end up at a casino… Phew. “I’m too old for this sh—“
02:14 PM - Apr 16, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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I’ve found myself at a brewery taco festival that is featuring live wresting and I’m not sure if the day could get any better… #cooperage #beer #wrestling
04:09 PM - Apr 15, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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First barbershop haircut since before the pandemic, and nothing against my wife’s YouTube training, but I must say I’m looking sharp! And feeling sharp. Thanks to Marty at Groomsmiths in Santa Rosa.
03:07 PM - Apr 15, 2023 (Edited)
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Cory Callewaert
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Poor guy, first he gets busted at “Sell-Some-Weed” and now this…
02:13 AM - Apr 15, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Five-Year-Old’s Groot Chia Pet Day One: soaked and he seeded it, palpable jealousy from seven-year-old.

#IAmGroot
09:05 PM - Apr 14, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Pardon me, I need to be a #StarWars nerd real quick…

Eh-hem, Disney+, #Ahsoka was never a Jedi knight, she left the Order as a Padawan before taking the trials.
12:09 AM - Apr 11, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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My wife told me to dress for the holiday. I didn’t really know what she meant so…
06:57 PM - Apr 09, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Kids are baking with my wife and the counter is covered in powdered sugar; kids asked if they could clean it up and immediately went full Scarface
03:50 PM - Apr 08, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Me to my kids: The kids in your cousin’s play were so brave, and it’s okay they were forgetting their lines, they’re learning and having fun.

Me during the play:
12:36 AM - Apr 02, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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I just made a Soyrizo, Just Egg, Kite Hill Queso sandwich on pan-fried sliced sourdough with lettuce, avocado, fresh cracked pepper, and #Vegan mayonnaise… It was so beautiful (I was really hungry) that I thought I should take a picture and Spout it, and on the way to the table I forgot.
04:40 PM - Mar 31, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Me to my kids: Goals are great, but don’t focus on the arbitrary, stuff that doesn’t really have any meaning.

*sees this is my 100th Spout

Me:
10:59 AM - Mar 30, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Me to my kids: You need to be patient. Take a breath, you can wait a few seconds.”

*lady at Trader Joe’s browsing in front of olive section

Me:
03:01 PM - Mar 29, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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As a society proven to so easily be fooled by falsehoods to the point of violence, we are not ready for a world of increasingly convincing AI generated content and should be demanding regulations and safeguards.

But, also, an AI made my son Groot, which made him think I’m even more amazing, so…
10:53 PM - Mar 26, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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AI gone bad, or great(?)… I was trying to get a picture of #RonDeSantis eating pudding with his fingers…
01:52 AM - Mar 25, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Finally, it’s Iced Coffee season in California again! That’s was a really long month-and-a-half
05:37 PM - Mar 24, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Happy Breakfast Club Day, because each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal… Does that answer your question?
01:46 PM - Mar 24, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Talking out your issues with your kids’ dolls while cleaning is totally normal, right? And not the exact opposite of therapy. RIGHT!?
05:44 PM - Mar 22, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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Me to my kids: I’m sure it was just a mistake, don’t overreact, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.

*a package doesn’t show up when online tracker says it should

Me:
03:04 PM - Mar 22, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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I appreciate copyright protections, but it’s quite an argument from Jack Daniels that their customers are so dumb, or drunk(?), they may confuse the whiskey they’ve been drinking with poo because of the “Bad Spaniels” squeaky toy.

“Yer tellin’ me I’ve been sippin’ on poo all these *hiccup* years!
01:27 PM - Mar 22, 2023
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Cory Callewaert
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My five-year-old on his scooter after I reminded him to use his brake when going down a ramp… (volume up)
04:53 PM - Mar 21, 2023
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