Martha O'Neill
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To the guy on the subway earlier who yelled - "Hey, assholes! Cheer up, it's not going to get any better than this so start enjoying your fuckin' lives!" - you both inspire and terrify me.
09:39 PM - Jul 07, 2023
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Martha O'Neill
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Abbreviating June to Jun is an example of how much we just accept dumb things.
05:38 PM - Apr 30, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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According to "some people", knowing all the lyrics to "99 Luftballons" is not considered a working knowledge of German. Jeez.
08:36 PM - Apr 29, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Overheard leaving Costco tonight: "So, how does it feel to finally be a Costco member? Pretty exciting, eh?"
08:27 PM - Apr 29, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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If you are over 8 years old and manage to lose at tic-tac-toe, the world may have to wash their hands of you.
07:53 PM - Apr 26, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Celery: the Matryoshka dolls of vegetables.
08:24 PM - Apr 25, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Install large blackboard covered with "math equations". Impress all. #ProTip
08:04 PM - Apr 22, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Had to have the awkward pink pee reminder talk with the kids after serving them beets tonight.
08:56 PM - Apr 21, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Furnace on, furnace off, furnace on...this weather has turned me into the Karate Kid of suburban moms.
07:30 PM - Apr 17, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Saw a woman taking a selfie outside of Costco and it made me pretty sad for me who had to witness it.
08:29 PM - Apr 16, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Okay, I'll agree that 'Yacht Rock' is a thing,
BUT ONLY IF MICHAEL MCDONALD IS NAMED CAPTAIN.
08:00 PM - Apr 16, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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I've developed a 'What the actual fuck' verbal tic from reading too much news.
Usually muttered.
08:29 PM - Apr 14, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve this nice trophy I had made for you for being such a pal.
08:40 PM - Apr 13, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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My phone autocorrected "door" to "doot".
I fear the AI rebellion is upon us.
08:45 PM - Apr 12, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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TFW you're mustering energy to climb that huge, steep staircase and 3, 17-year-old gazelle-boys blast past you taking the steps 2 at a time.
04:18 PM - Apr 12, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Paul Rudd is actually one 25-yr-old standing on another 25-yr-old wearing a giant trench coat.
07:05 PM - Apr 08, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Hands up if you didn't get raptured during the eclipse.✋🏻😢
05:31 PM - Apr 08, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Sometimes I hate getting older, but remember I saw The Karate Kid in the theatre & that's something you millennials can't take away from me.
10:24 PM - Apr 06, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Confession: I used to slowly drive by Prince's house in Toronto in case he was gardening or something?
06:47 PM - Apr 06, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Monday will be mainly sunny except for 2.5 hours in the afternoon for some reason.
08:16 PM - Apr 05, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Hiking: the number one hobby for probably finding a dead body.
07:31 PM - Apr 03, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Is it too late for me to become an archeologist? Just wanna sift sand and brush bones, guys.
05:58 PM - Mar 31, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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08:06 PM - Mar 21, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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I *have* signed my donor card but feel like I'm setting a lot of people up for a HUGE disappointment when they finally crack me open.
05:10 PM - Mar 21, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Remembering in the early '80's my mom's friend would bring home (to Canada) dry packets of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing from Florida for us. It was an exotic gift and a very exciting time.
So, thank you Barb, and thank you America.
08:17 PM - Mar 16, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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I just hope Kate isn't in Paris driving around in a limo.
06:02 PM - Mar 14, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Guys! I've lost an hour and can't find it anywhere!
04:30 AM - Mar 10, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Son said "you like Billy Joel" like it was an accusation or something?
05:20 PM - Mar 08, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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Make America Likeable Again
08:08 PM - Mar 05, 2024
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Martha O'Neill
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The kids are getting frozen pizza for dinner for the second time this week. May heat it up this time.
08:22 PM - Mar 04, 2024
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✨Witchy Woman✨
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10:13 PM - Mar 02, 2024
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