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Wife: We have company coming, can you help tidy up?
Husband: Sure! *starts scrubbing baseboards in the attic that no one will see*
Wife: What are you doing?
Husband: THE . HOUSE . MUST . BE . CLEAN!
Wife:
Wife:
Wife: *starts day drinking*
11:25 PM - Feb 12, 2023
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Some days, you just need to fill the sink to the brim with coffee, dunk your head in & suck. Read that once. Today is one of those days.
#CoffeeSillies #AllOfMeIsTired #INeedANappetizer
12:59 PM - Mar 02, 2023 (Edited)
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As soon as you say #MyChildWouldNever , here comes your child #nevering like they've never #nevered before.

#KidsAreABlast
07:40 PM - Mar 01, 2023
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OKAAAAAAAY, Alberta Emergency Alert - I'M ALERT, DAMN IT, I'M ALERT!

I'm also almost mostly dead from multiple heart attacks. I'm not sure I need 7 (& counting) alert test tones. Or is this to make up for all the times I've not gotten them in the past? Cuz holy smokes.
04:09 PM - Mar 01, 2023
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Today is #RareDiseaseDay - #ShowYourStripes

My daughter lives with more than 1 diagnosis that is in NORD's rare disease database. Here's a bit from rarediseaseday.org, that explains far better than I can, just what #RareDiseaseDay is.

Rare Disease Day is the globally-coordinated movement on
12:12 PM - Feb 28, 2023 (Edited)
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If one posts links to music on #Spoutible , should we call that #spoutify ?
12:02 AM - Feb 28, 2023
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90% of my life is spent just thinking about when I can lie down again.
#ILikeMyBed #INeedABlankieFort
01:13 PM - Feb 27, 2023
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And, #SluttyDaddy time has arrived!
(his words, not mine lol)
#pedropascal #TLOU #HiDaddy
09:02 PM - Feb 26, 2023
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#life could be worse. #Milk could have #pulp .
#Hurl #FullBodyShudder #Ewwww
08:37 PM - Feb 26, 2023 (Edited)
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They will never find her.
04:36 PM - Feb 26, 2023
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I lost my #mind a long time ago & I've made no real effort to go looking for it. #life is so much more #Fun & full of #surprises this way. {#id:151882#}!

#SeizeTheDayInANewWay #TheCheeseIsGone
01:18 PM - Feb 26, 2023
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Hey #Canucks ! Where ya at? Looking for a few good #Canadians - give yourself a #Spoutout here, so I can find you. I really need to discuss the fact that #Canada finally got the #24hourclock !

#CanadianAsPuck #SorryInAdvance #BecauseCanadian
12:41 PM - Feb 26, 2023
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It's been a rough couple of days, but at least I haven't had to deal with an enraged #CocaineBear , so I've got that going for me.
#LifeIsBetterThanExpected #IDontThinkBearSprayWouldWork
12:05 PM - Feb 26, 2023
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Somedays, I really wish that the cheerful, happy forest animals that clean, from Snow White, were real.
11:52 AM - Feb 26, 2023
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09:57 PM - Feb 25, 2023
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I went outside & shoveled the sidewalks.

Zero stars, do not recommend. ☆☆☆☆☆

#OhMyAchingBack #HeartSaysNaaaaaooo #CouchPotatoLifeForMe
05:56 PM - Feb 25, 2023
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Is it just me, or does anyone else think it would make life infinitely better if we could mark people as spam too?

#No #SpamALamaDingDong #GetAwayWithYa
04:01 PM - Feb 25, 2023
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Me: Woooo, let's book a vacation to Mexico!

My bank account: Sure thing - welcome to Puerto Backyarta.

#SoRude #PuertoBackyartaItIs
02:11 PM - Feb 25, 2023
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12:11 PM - Feb 25, 2023
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Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am awake. After a night of #insomnia I will therefore not be #seizingtheday , but poking at it listlessly, with a broken stick. #IJustTakeANapRightHere
11:29 AM - Feb 25, 2023 (Edited)
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2 AM, #VampireStandardTime

#ugh {#id:145589#} #SoTired
04:03 AM - Feb 25, 2023
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I am reasonably convinced that the reason I am the way that I am is because my #mother used to #tape my freshly curled #bangs to my forehead on #Saturday night, so they'd "be nice" for church on #Sunday morning.
#ItHurt #ThisIsWhyWeDontSpeak #DamnedCowlicks #WhyINeedTherapy
08:29 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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07:30 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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Saw my #doctor recently for advice on dealing with #stress . He handed me a #stressball & told me to use it when I was dealing with a lot of stress. So I did. It bounced off his forehead like a beaut.

Anyway, does anyone know of any doctors taking new patients?
#Oops
06:31 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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Fairly sure I'm going to be the type of #LittleOldLady that bites people.
#NomNomMotherfucker
05:32 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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Dear @Spoutible @cbouzy - respectfully, plz can there not be this "suggested follows" on the end of spout comments in threads? It's breaking spout threads - anything after more than a couple of spout replies can't B seen, is what I'm finding, with this tacked on the end of replies. #SpoutibleGlitch
03:19 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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Q: What do you call a #chicken staring at #lettuce ?

A: Chicken sees a salad

#BadDadJokes #ButImAMom #FauxPaJokes #groaners
02:59 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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Was going to talk about #EDS today, but clearly Spoutible is bugging out, as it won't allow me to access my own spouts once posted, so I guess not today.
02:33 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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It's #Friday and so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly and fabulously rich.
#Broke #MaybeIShouldPlayTheLottery #CheckingTheSofaCushions
01:33 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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01:28 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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Some mornings, I only know what #dayoftheweek it is because my #pillorganizer tells me.
12:28 PM - Feb 23, 2023
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