Konstantine
A
thread 1/16
#thread

Rules of Being a Sports Fan

I read these rules a VERY long time ago on ESPN (2002?), stole them, and then massaged them to my own personal specifications. They had to be slightly condensed to be more easily digested here.

Rules will be numbered as some will span more than one spout.
08:48 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 2/16
(1) If you live in the general vicinity of a city that has fielded a professional team since your formative years, you have to root for that team.

None of this "the Bengals weren't very good when I was growing up in Cincy so I became a Patriots fan" crap.
08:48 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 3/16
(2) No rooting for a team, backing off when they’re in a down cycle, then renewing the relationship when the team starts winning again.

Being a fan of most teams is tough year in and year out. Just own it!
08:49 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 4/16
(3) Once you choose a team, you’re stuck with the team for the rest of your life unless one of the following conditions applies:
08:49 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 5/16
(3) (a) Your team moves to another city.

All bets are off when this happens. In fact, if you decided to turn off the sport entirely nobody would blame you.
08:50 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 6/16
(3) (b) You grew up in a city that didn’t field a team for a specific sport, you picked a random team, and then:
> your city landed a team.
> you moved to a city fielding a team.
> a family member plays professionally or takes a management / coaching position with a pro team.
08:50 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 7/16
(3) (c) You follow your favorite college star to the pros and root for their team du jour. However, this is a once-in-a-generation type college star.

For example, you went to UNC and then rooted for the Bulls (MJ).
08:51 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 8/16
(4) If you’re between the ages of about 35-60 and you’re a fan of the Yankees, Cowboys, Braves, Raiders, Steelers, Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, Canadians, and/or Oilers, and you’re not actually from those one of those cities…
08:51 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 9/16
Well, you better have a damn good reason beyond “When I was picking a favorite team as a kid they were the best team so I picked them.”
08:52 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 10/16
(5) If you hail from New York you can’t root for the Yankees and Mets, Jets and Giants, Rangers and Islanders, Knicks and Nets. You have to choose between them.

REPEAT: You have to choose between them!

There’s no “as long as one of them is doing well it’s good for New York” crap.
08:52 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 11/16
(6) Don’t boo your team unless it’s *absolutely* warranted. Seriously, odds are your team already knows it’s struggling. Dead silence sends a bigger message than anything.
08:52 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 12/16
(7) No in-season bandwagon flip-flops:

> This team never had a chance!

> All right we won six straight!

> There was no way we’d keep playing this well.

> I knew we’d bounce back!

You didn’t know anything.
08:53 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 13/16
(8) If one of your fantasy players is lighting it up against your favorite team you can’t pump your fist, high-five, or refer to the player in a “he’s one of my guys!” sense.

This especially holds true if it’s a crucial game or a crucial juncture of the game.
08:53 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 14/16
(9) You can follow specific players on other teams as long as they’re not facing your team. Go ahead, enjoy the Patrick Mahomes Experience if you’re a Jaguars fan. Just don’t go making a scrapbook and collecting his football cards.

And you can’t purchase his jersey under any circumstances.
08:54 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 15/16
(10) There’s a five year grace period after your team wins a championship.

You can’t complain about anything that happens with your team (trades, draft picks, salary-cap cuts, coaching moves) for five years.

No exceptions.

Your team won the championship. You’re on cruise control for five years.
08:54 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Konstantine
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thread 16/16
The end.

Let me have it!
08:55 AM - Jun 17, 2023
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Nikolai_Raven
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I know this list. Bill Simmons wrote it.

He lost ALL credibility when he wrote that giant doorstop about the Celtics.
In response to Konstantine.
07:53 PM - Jul 30, 2023
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Konstantine
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In response to Nikolai_Raven.
Highly possible Simmons wrote the original list.

I'm not familiar with the Celtics story though.
08:28 PM - Jul 30, 2023
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