BushiRob on Spoutible

2/21

I have had a rather difficult year. Everyone has not had it easy in the last few, but my experience has been less than ideal.

08:20 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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3/21

Starting around about February, I had been feeling something was 'off' with work. We were told we were profitable and things were going okay.

08:21 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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4/21

Suddenly there's a meeting on the calendar everyone must attend on Feb 28th. Hackles raised. This is not good.

08:22 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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5/21

Everyone is being laid off. But we 'REALLY' care about you and want to help you move on.

Within a week they call me begging me to stay to the end of the week.

08:23 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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6/21

Then at the the end of the week, a call begging me to stay to the end of the month.

I'm already job hunting, but okay.

Before the next month even starts, another, would you kindly stay another month.

Might have been cheaper NOT to lay me off, but okay.

08:25 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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7/21

After a metric butt ton of interviews, finally found a new place that felt right.

Day I was supposed to start, can you start on Monday instead?

Anxiety sets in again.

08:26 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)

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8/21

Next day, oops , we don't have the money to actually employ you , so sorry, keep hunting for a new job.

ANXIETY cup flows over.

08:27 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)

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9/21

After multiple months then scaling out the tail end of previous employer, just at the entirely desperate phase, got an offer for contract work.

Had hoped to get the FT position from another place, but guess I have to take this job or no longer have health care.

08:28 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)

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10/21

After verbal acceptance of contract, got a full offer from the FT place. Took it immediately.

Contract job might have been nice, but noticed a previous manager had taken it.

They were done and out of the contract in less than 3 months.

So dodged a bullet.

08:30 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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11/21

Throughout this process though, my anxiety was not ideal.

Some days, I could function, most days, was a shame/depression spiral.

Health... Not great.

08:31 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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12/21

I had several episodes that made me remember my brother's manic episode that lead to him being in a facility for one year.

Panic sets in.

08:32 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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13/21

Around June, I started getting more professional help.

If you are having difficulty or troubles, DO NOT sit on that. ASK FOR HELP.

08:33 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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14/21

With some short term therapy, I found several things that historically made sense. I also found there might be a possibility I could be bipolar like my brother. But probably not as extreme.

More ANXIETY.

08:35 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)

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15/21

I get recommended to a longer term program.

After starting with the longer term program, it seems like so much of my anxiety and worries stem from a rather acute sense of OCD.

I physically and psychologically rebel and generate extreme anxiety when my perception of 'the rules'...

08:37 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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16/21

...or 'the way things should be', or any disruption of '和', sends me into an unreasonable spiral.

This clicked with one of the things that had been causing me depression and anxiety for 40 years.

08:38 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)

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17/21

So in conclusion, don't sit on your worries, don't sit on your anxieties. Don't turn the other cheek and bottle them up. It's not healthy. Seek professional help in any way you can.

08:39 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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18/21

There's nothing more awkward than a middle aged person finally realizing how broken they have been, but hiding it for whatever reason.

You deserve help. You deserve happiness.

Don't let toxic ideas of thing alike 'men don't cry' or 'be a man' or 'that is not manly' stop you

08:42 PM - Dec 23, 2023

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