BushiRob
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thread 1/21
This might be a little more serious than I usually am on Spoutible. But from what I have seen over the months as the community has built up, it seems safe enough to me to discuss something rather personal.
08:19 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 2/21
I have had a rather difficult year. Everyone has not had it easy in the last few, but my experience has been less than ideal.
08:20 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 3/21
Starting around about February, I had been feeling something was 'off' with work. We were told we were profitable and things were going okay.
08:21 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 4/21
Suddenly there's a meeting on the calendar everyone must attend on Feb 28th. Hackles raised. This is not good.
08:22 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 5/21
Everyone is being laid off. But we 'REALLY' care about you and want to help you move on.

Within a week they call me begging me to stay to the end of the week.
08:23 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 6/21
Then at the the end of the week, a call begging me to stay to the end of the month.

I'm already job hunting, but okay.

Before the next month even starts, another, would you kindly stay another month.

Might have been cheaper NOT to lay me off, but okay.
08:25 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 7/21
After a metric butt ton of interviews, finally found a new place that felt right.

Day I was supposed to start, can you start on Monday instead?

Anxiety sets in again.
08:26 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)
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BushiRob
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thread 8/21
Next day, oops , we don't have the money to actually employ you , so sorry, keep hunting for a new job.

ANXIETY cup flows over.
08:27 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)
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BushiRob
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thread 9/21
After multiple months then scaling out the tail end of previous employer, just at the entirely desperate phase, got an offer for contract work.

Had hoped to get the FT position from another place, but guess I have to take this job or no longer have health care.
08:28 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)
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BushiRob
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thread 10/21
After verbal acceptance of contract, got a full offer from the FT place. Took it immediately.

Contract job might have been nice, but noticed a previous manager had taken it.

They were done and out of the contract in less than 3 months.

So dodged a bullet.
08:30 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 11/21
Throughout this process though, my anxiety was not ideal.

Some days, I could function, most days, was a shame/depression spiral.

Health... Not great.
08:31 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 12/21
I had several episodes that made me remember my brother's manic episode that lead to him being in a facility for one year.

Panic sets in.
08:32 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 13/21
Around June, I started getting more professional help.

If you are having difficulty or troubles, DO NOT sit on that. ASK FOR HELP.
08:33 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 14/21
With some short term therapy, I found several things that historically made sense. I also found there might be a possibility I could be bipolar like my brother. But probably not as extreme.

More ANXIETY.
08:35 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)
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BushiRob
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thread 15/21
I get recommended to a longer term program.

After starting with the longer term program, it seems like so much of my anxiety and worries stem from a rather acute sense of OCD.

I physically and psychologically rebel and generate extreme anxiety when my perception of 'the rules'...
08:37 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 16/21
...or 'the way things should be', or any disruption of '和', sends me into an unreasonable spiral.

This clicked with one of the things that had been causing me depression and anxiety for 40 years.
08:38 PM - Dec 23, 2023 (Edited)
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BushiRob
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thread 17/21
So in conclusion, don't sit on your worries, don't sit on your anxieties. Don't turn the other cheek and bottle them up. It's not healthy. Seek professional help in any way you can.
08:39 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 18/21
There's nothing more awkward than a middle aged person finally realizing how broken they have been, but hiding it for whatever reason.

You deserve help. You deserve happiness.

Don't let toxic ideas of thing alike 'men don't cry' or 'be a man' or 'that is not manly' stop you
08:42 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 19/21
(Of course, if you identify as male, there are other similar phrases to apply if you identify differently)

My main point is, do not let society, culture, or people stand in YOUR way of getting the help YOU NEED.
08:43 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 20/21
IF you are having trouble, ASK for help. There is strength in knowing you need help, and asking for it.

Don't wait 40 years to get help.
08:45 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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thread 21/21
Thank you Spoutible and Spoutans for reading!
08:49 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Linda Roderick
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In response to BushiRob.
Thanks for sharing…all the best as you move forward!
08:51 AM - Dec 24, 2023
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Joan H
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In response to BushiRob.
Such strength. Thanks for sharing. You’ve got this, and I’m sure this will undoubtedly help and change another’s life.
I’m so glad Spoutible made you feel safe enough to share as well. We must continue to fight for our Spoutible community to be the refuge that we know it is, & for so many people.
03:11 AM - Dec 24, 2023
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BushiRob
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In response to Joan H.
Thank you!! I agree, we should continue to ensure Spoutible remains a safe and accepting space for all folks.
06:19 AM - Dec 24, 2023
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PS Annie
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In response to BushiRob.
Thanks for sharing this. You aren't alone. Lot's of us didn't realize how broken we were until middle age. It's really hard. I'm glad you're getting some help, I'm still looking for something that works for me, but it helps to know it's not just me.
02:19 AM - Dec 24, 2023
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BushiRob
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In response to PS Annie.
Thank you, I hope you find help that works for you!
07:11 AM - Dec 24, 2023
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André Ware
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In response to PS Annie.
♥️
10:00 AM - Dec 24, 2023
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Patricia D'Cruze
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In response to BushiRob.
🩵💙💜
12:14 AM - Dec 24, 2023
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Sonya Williams
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In response to BushiRob.
Thank you for bravely sharing! Wishing you continued growth and healing❣️
11:03 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Giant Lesbo
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In response to BushiRob.
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps so much to seek help and you never know how sharing your story can help others.
10:49 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Janet aka April
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In response to BushiRob.
I am so glad you were able to share this with us. It is such a hard thing to do but it is so important- both for you and for others who may need to know they are not alone. I am glad you got the help you need. All the best. ❤️
10:28 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BigBrownGirl
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In response to BushiRob.
Your words are gonna save a life. Thank you for not letting others in similar situs think they're alone. #StayHereSpoutible

✨sendin strength & serenity✨
10:16 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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James O'Shea
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In response to BushiRob.
Thank you for sharing. If it helps one other person ...
09:43 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Madrigal Rose
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In response to BushiRob.
Thank you for sharing. I understand it can be difficult to share these things. I'm really bad at identifying what I'm going through, much less sharing with others. As you know, you did the right thing by seeking help.
09:33 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Angie is Supercalifragilistic…
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In response to BushiRob.
Thank you for sharing. From my own experience, it is hard to ask for help. I’m glad that you overcame that and got the help you needed.
09:32 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Lisse (she/her)
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In response to BushiRob.
Thank you for feeling comfortable and safe enough to share your journey. It’s truly inspiring, and I hope that it will help someone see that sometimes you just need a helping hand from a mental health specialist .

This also speaks volumes of the importance of #Spoutible being a safe space. 💕
09:23 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Doc
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In response to BushiRob.
Thank you.
09:19 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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April Sparkles
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In response to BushiRob.
This was a timely thread and reminder for people to seek help.

Losing a job can be like losing a part of your identity.

I wish you success as you move forward.

Thanks for sharing this.

Love,
April 💛
09:15 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Linda Eisenstein
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In response to BushiRob.
Thank you for the bravery it took to share this. I'm glad you were able to get some help you needed. There can be great relief in it.
09:11 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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BushiRob
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In response to Linda Eisenstein.
Thank you so much. It was honestly pretty nerve wracking. I am so used to not sharing how I feel because I don't want to stick out.
09:13 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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Pamela Gee
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In response to BushiRob.
That was an awful and lengthy ordeal: sudden terrifying job insecurity, job search ups and downs, and seemingly solid offers falling through.
I'm glad you survived and sought and benefited from professional help for the mental stress and exhaustion, and are regaining your health! A hero's journey!
09:10 PM - Dec 23, 2023
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