L.E Gray โš“
A
Got a critique saying that when written in 1st person, there is no need for "I see, I feel, I hear" etc. I agree to a point. True using I too much is bad.
In scene Hallie's (4 y) is on her uncle's lap, who sees her nod while they look map together
"I" wrong or not?
#WritingCommunity
01:39 AM - Feb 06, 2024
Avatar
0
8
1
Erik Buchanan
A
In response to L.E Gray โš“.
It's a style choice. I eliminate them because I feel it makes the action more immediate. We already know who is seeing it.

For me, when in doubt, take it out, check it out, and if it doesn't work, put it back in,

But as I said, that's a style choice.
07:15 AM - Feb 06, 2024
1
1
L.E Gray โš“
A
In response to Erik Buchanan.
Style choice? Never thought it like that. Had understood it was big nono, something that writers have to avoid like plague ๐Ÿ˜…..
08:32 AM - Feb 06, 2024
1
0
Erik Buchanan
A
In response to L.E Gray โš“.
For me, if the narrator seeing it causes an emotional or physical reaction, it's useful:

"He sees her head nod and his horror rises. He grabs it before it falls off."

"Her head nods and his horror rises. He grabs it before it can fall off."

I will look at both and pick the stronger one.
09:15 AM - Feb 06, 2024
1
1
L.E Gray โš“
A
In response to Erik Buchanan.
Interesting ๐Ÿค” ...I think I look at it different point of view. Like in this scene.. Because if you keep the small child sitting in your lap, back toward you, what you see is mostly the top of the head. So thats why I wrote narrator to see it aka "I see"
09:50 AM - Feb 06, 2024
1
0
Erik Buchanan
A
In response to L.E Gray โš“.
Fair. The Qs I would ask (and it's for you to decide) are: if we know who's narrating, do you need "I see" for the reader to have that visual, and is the sentence more powerful with or without it?

Like I said, style choice.

And now, I have to get writing or I won't get anything done. Good luck!
10:05 AM - Feb 06, 2024
1
1
L.E Gray โš“
A
No, this was good. I don't argue for the sake of arguing. Just some "rules" baffle me and I tend to ponder them more ๐Ÿ˜„ just want to know will the reader see what I mean. If they do without "I" .. then it's out form the window in zero time.
In response to Erik Buchanan.
02:05 PM - Feb 06, 2024
0
1

 

{{ notificationModalContent }} {{ promptModalMessage }}