1/17
I'm at work and I'm looking at emergency contact forms. 95% of these seniors have women named as their emergency contact or power of attorney. They may list a son because you can list 2 contacts. But without fail they will only give thr daughter or granddaughter permission to enter the unit.
08:25 AM - Feb 16, 2024
2/17
The work of women is never done. This goes double for Black women and WOC. Often our financial situations make it impossible for fancy senior apartments l, assisted living, and even nursing homes. So daughters, granddaughters, nieces, and sisters do the work.
08:28 AM - Feb 16, 2024
3/17
When my mother didn't recover from her brain tumor and we knew she would near constant care, I was accidently unemployed and single. My sisters didn't even discuss leaving it on me. It didn't help that I still lived with mom. They just abandoned me with a very sick woman and didn't look back.
08:30 AM - Feb 16, 2024
4/17
I cared for my mom from April 2015-December 2016. Full time, I couldn't work. Once unemployment ran out in 6 months, we lived off mom's disability, my savings account and retirement fund. By the time my mom ended up in nursing/rehab to control her diabetes in January 2017, I was a shell of a human.
08:32 AM - Feb 16, 2024
5/17
I spent the next six months as professionals cared for mom but she called me every night crying, telling me how much she hated me for putting her there even though I visited all the time and it wasn't going to be forever. Her social worker was waiting for a space in assisted living.
08:33 AM - Feb 16, 2024
6/17
I spent the time knowing I'd have to return the house to the bank. Mom had re-fi'd, $10K was left on the mortgage and I wasn't paying another nickel. So I needed to find an apartment. I was working, making $15 an hour, had taken a $10,000 pay cut just to get back in the work force after 15 months.
08:36 AM - Feb 16, 2024
7/17
I found a Itty bitty studio in a nice neighborhood for $650. I used almost the last of my retirement fund, once $45,000 to pay first, last, and security. Then I had to pack up all I had, all I could, and move from the place I lived since I was 8 years old. No one helped me.
08:38 AM - Feb 16, 2024
8/17
TW: Suicide.
The week before I moved out I was going to commit suicide. I rarely had ideation but I was mentally ill so it was always a concern. I was at the edge of a cliff. Everything I'd worked over a decade for was gone. I was 39 with no money, a mediocre job, no support...why bother living?
The week before I moved out I was going to commit suicide. I rarely had ideation but I was mentally ill so it was always a concern. I was at the edge of a cliff. Everything I'd worked over a decade for was gone. I was 39 with no money, a mediocre job, no support...why bother living?
08:40 AM - Feb 16, 2024
9/17
I had a good supply of Ambien and a good supply of Zoloft, I figured I could just drift off and everything would be OK. I knew Mom-Mom would be so hurt but she would soon be gone and I didn't want to hurt for her. I felt guilty leaving Bella and wondered how long it would take to find me.
08:42 AM - Feb 16, 2024
(Edited)
10/17
My sisters had been calling and texting, not because they cared but to berate and attack me for not being able to "save" the house. A house neither one of them gave a shit about. They didn't help me and mom once and now they were about to shove me clean over the cliff.
08:44 AM - Feb 16, 2024
11/17
I texted one sister, the mean one, and told her to please stop texting me, I couldn't take it another minute. Then I turned my phone off, grabbed my Ambien, and got ready. Then a little voice in my head told me there were pros and cons to this, I'd feel better if i listed them first.
08:46 AM - Feb 16, 2024
12/17
I list things, always have. It brings calm to rhe chaos. So I grabbed my yellow legal pad, drew a line down the middle and listed the pros and cons of dying instead of living. The pros only won by 2 things. All these years later I don't remember what those 2 things were.
09:02 AM - Feb 16, 2024
13/17
I just remember putting on Gumball, it was comfort show as I'd been sick & suicidal all week. I cried and cried with Gumball in the background. I'd chosen life, but that meant I was going to have to live. I had to navigate the cesspool of what life had become. It was no one's fault, it just was.
09:05 AM - Feb 16, 2024
14/17
Every seven years, human cells regenerate. We shed our skin, figuratively, like a snake, and we are a whole new person. Seven years for me was 2022. I was 44, I'd handled the grief of losing both parents, the COVID pandemic, the 2020 election, January 6. I'd been in intensive therapy for 2 years.
09:07 AM - Feb 16, 2024
15/17
I've worked through all of it. Every feeling, every moment, I had to relive a lot of it and I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life I rarely cry because I spent my life deeply repressing emotions because I was afraid of they were let out, I'd be like Firestarter.
09:09 AM - Feb 16, 2024
16/17
I'm now healed. I'm not cured, mental illnesses don't work like that. But my pain, my grief, my shame, my rage, like dissociative identities battling for space in my battered body have let their powers combine and now I'm one Montiese. I'm not cracked like the Humpty Dumpty egg.
09:12 AM - Feb 16, 2024
17/17
I have no idea why that story came out of me this morning. I live by the mantra "make your mess your measage." If you've been through hell and you're able, tell your story. It will help then extend person know they're not alone. It may encourage them to seek help. No man is an island. ❤️
09:14 AM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
Thank you seeing your worth and embracing it
That journey back to some sort of normalcy and peace is long and hard, but worth the effort
I’m glad you’re here with us
Thank you for sharing ✌🏻🖖🏻💙
That journey back to some sort of normalcy and peace is long and hard, but worth the effort
I’m glad you’re here with us
Thank you for sharing ✌🏻🖖🏻💙
12:59 PM - Feb 17, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
Thank you for sharing this tough story of a portion of your life. I am so glad you are here. 🤗
12:52 PM - Feb 17, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
Glad you're here still moving forward. I can relate to a lot of this. It's definitely a tough experience, but it can be shared in the community if not with the family.
11:03 PM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
Montiese, wow! You are with us and I am glad. Thank you for sharing this.
🩷🌻🔥
🩷🌻🔥
10:25 PM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
You have been through the fire and now we get to see the glow🔥. Thank you for sharing your story Montiese!
09:19 PM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
Thank you so much for your story and being vulnerable. I know it has already greatly benefited someone❤️
01:02 PM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
Thank you so much for your bravery and transparency. 🥹🫂🥰
11:14 AM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Timara (she/her).
You're welcome. I hardly know how to be anything but an open book anymore and I'm grateful because sharing not only lifts my burdens, it could lift someone else's too.
12:06 PM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
@mcgarrygirl78
Thanks fr this. You never know who will be helped by your life story, but there definitely are those that will be helped. You are a strong, kind, and empathetic woman.
Thanks fr this. You never know who will be helped by your life story, but there definitely are those that will be helped. You are a strong, kind, and empathetic woman.
10:08 AM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
💔 I feel this so much in my heart. When it comes to parental care, everything is almost always put on the daughter, while everyone disappears. You feel so exhausted and just want to drop but there are just no breaks. Sending you love and glad you are here. 🫶🏻 🙏🏻
10:03 AM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
Thank you for sharing your story. My daughter’s list was different, her cons outweighed her pros, and she chose to leave us, but I finally understand the difficulty of that decision. I’ve made peace with it as I know she was in pain. I’m so happy your story turned out different.
10:01 AM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Missy McMurray.
I am so sorry for your loss Missy. I can't imagine your pain but I thought a lot about my mother as I struggled with my decision. I'm glad you've found some portion of peace and can go forward with more understanding of your daughter's pain and her choice.
12:43 PM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
Thank you for sharing. I for 1 am glad you are here. 💕
09:57 AM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
Not gonna lie, this story made me - a grown man - cry. Some of this hits home for me. The details may differ, but the situations similar. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
09:36 AM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to ⚾️Dane Pereslete⚾️.
Dane, I'm glad you got something from reading. Crying is so cathartic. I had to learn that in therapy because I rarely cried. My emotions were deeply repressed because I couldn't have them and deal with all that. Getting the emotions back felt terrible, and incredible.
08:54 PM - Feb 17, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
I'm so sorry you had to go thru all of that. I'm sorry you didn't get any relief or aid from your family & that they added to your struggle. Hard to be out in the world on your own- with no support, no safety net. I'm glad you're still here. The world is better with you in it. You have my respect.
08:54 AM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Acey Deecey 🚀🚀.
I believe it. My brother is six years older than me. Guess who had guardianship of our Down's brother and has our mother living with them? Altho I have to give my BIL credit, her is over his parents' a lot.
08:36 AM - Feb 16, 2024
In response to Klobby L.
There's a saying, "Mothers love their sons but raise their daughters." You see it the most in family dynamics as parents age or get ill. Sons, who are taught that whatever they do they'll still be great, move away, literally or figuratively, as quickly as possible and daughters have to step up.
08:57 PM - Feb 17, 2024
