Selena Maranjian
A
thread 1/7
8 pretty good tweets of yore:

krisv_723
Sorry I asked your mother to show me her sarcophagus. In my defense, maybe she should take a break from tanning.

Gre_Gone
My spirit animal is a dolphin choking on the plastic ring from a 6 pack of Bud Light.
11:19 AM - Apr 18, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 2/7
DomesticGoddss
Starting off the day with two eggs for breakfast. They're Cadbury eggs but whatever. Diet plan just says "2 eggs" so let's not get picky.

rachelle_mandik
—You a private eye?
That’s what the blue neon sign says out front.
—It’s argon. Neon glows orange.
V.O.
11:19 AM - Apr 18, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 3/7
: From the start, she was trouble.

BobGolen
A paternity test is a pop quiz.
11:19 AM - Apr 18, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 4/7
VeryBadLlama
hi welcome to dog ownership, your options are a $4000 purebred snub-nosed Lithuanian duckhound with a 2-year waitlist who is allergic to the colour green, or a mutt named Stubbs you acquired through unclear circumstances who is prepared to survive through a nuclear apocalypse

fessh
11:19 AM - Apr 18, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 5/7
ole
I like to think I'm an intelligent chap. I write software for a living and everyone always thinks of me as the clever one.
Today I was cleaning the patio and spent several minutes trying to jet spray a shadow off a paving slab.
11:19 AM - Apr 18, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 6/7
pattonoswalt
Anne Frank spent 2 years hiding in an attic and we’ve been home for just over a month with Netflix, food delivery & video games and there are people risking viral death by storming state capital buildings & screaming, “Open Fuddruckers!
11:19 AM - Apr 18, 2024
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