Selena Maranjian
A
thread 1/5
8 pretty good tweets of yore:

philistella
Would you like your alarm clock to be INEXPLICABLY HEAVY and full of KNIVES? Consider: CAT.
12:31 PM - May 03, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 2/5
clichedout
flight attendant: is there a doctor on board
me: i have a doctorate in English
flight attendant: can u help this man who is dying
me: whom

keegolicious
Everyone: OMG 2020 is the worst year ever and it’s only May
Murder Hornets: HOLD MY BEER

RandyRainbow
Yes, hi, I ordered abdom
12:31 PM - May 03, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 3/5
inal muscles and a boyfriend for 2020 but instead got a pandemic and murder hornets, can I speak to a manager?

lizhackett
I have one Clorox wipe left and I'm saving it for something special, like our anniversary.
12:31 PM - May 03, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 4/5
aparnapkin
"WHOM WHOM WHOM"-owl that never gets invited to parties

mrjohndarby
I fall and drown in the lake. They pull out my body. "It's so bloated and grotesque" says one. "He only fell in a minute ago" says another

John_Quaintance
30 is the new 20. 40 is the old 33.
12:31 PM - May 03, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 5/5
50 is a refurbished 35 inside the shell of a slightly used 42, and 60 has been eliminated entirely.
12:31 PM - May 03, 2024
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