Selena Maranjian
A
thread 1/5
9 pretty good tweets of yore:

FeralCrone
I liked their boyfriend jeans so I'm wearing the Gap's new boyfriend bra and it is somehow both suffocating me and giving me zero support.

mattwhitlockPM
Ladies: if a man orders you to make him a sandwich, do it.
11:25 AM - May 15, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 2/5
The average adult male carcass will yield about 200 sandwiches. Make it a party!

Shade510
A bandanna covering my face makes ordering my venti sugar free cinnamon dolce breve latte no foam just a little more gangsta.

MikeDrucker
I know I'm fat because it takes like 20 bluebirds to dress me.
11:25 AM - May 15, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 3/5
JohnLyonTweets
Anybody want to buy some exercise equipment? I’m having a going-out-of-fitness sale.

cluedont
If you hold a buttercup underneath someone's chin you can tell whether they have an issue with people invading their personal space or not.
11:25 AM - May 15, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 4/5
MarkHarrisNYC
"I voted for Trump because I thought he would hurt OTHER people, not me!" is a flourishing genre.

Fake_Dispatch
JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon says he will pay back $2 billion losses from his own salary once his $3 billion pay raise is confirmed.
11:25 AM - May 15, 2024
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Selena Maranjian
A
thread 5/5
scottjshapiro
CDC announces that emails need no longer be prefaced with "I hope this message finds you well in these extraordinary times."
11:25 AM - May 15, 2024
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