Sigilmancy
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thread 1/14
So because it came up elsewhere and it's on my mind this morning, I want to talk about the time I was in a mental health facility for a 72 hour hold back in 2018. Because it was awful, and because I hope that someday no one will have to go through what I did.
04:40 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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thread 2/14
Why was I there? My roommate at the time lied and said I was suicidal. We were fighting and I thought I was going to be homeless. I sent him a message saying I'd rather be dead than homeless because I'm multiply disabled and I know the toll that being homeless would take on my overall health.
04:41 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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He called the cops and said I was actively suicidal. So cops showed up, told me to pack and that I'd be going to a facility for a few days. The way it was stated it was not an argument, I was going. So I threw some clothes and books into a bag and off we went.
04:42 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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thread 4/14
In the back of the cruiser I was texting everyone I knew telling them what was going on. A few people were shocked and asked what facility I was going to, and I told them the name and they straight up told me they were scared. It wasn't known to be a nice place, and they feared I might not get out.
04:44 AM - May 21, 2023 (Edited)
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Sigilmancy
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thread 5/14
When I got there they had me write down any phone numbers I needed, locked my phone and purse and everything else in a locker I could not access, gave me an inventory slip and a photo they took of the contents of my purse, searched the clothes and books I brought, and threw me in a room.
04:45 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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So there I was, cut off from my support system. I was allowed to make one phone call per day for only 15 minutes from a phone in the main room where there was no privacy. I'm a night owl, so they forcibly drugged me to make me sleep overnight when they found me up past bedtime.
04:46 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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thread 7/14
Another woman there had a stomach band and they would berate her for not eating at the regular meal times and refused to let her have food outside of that so she was always hungry. We had water in the main room but it was always room temp or very warm. They watched us shower and use the restroom.
04:48 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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After my 72 hour hold they reevaluated me. My friends thankfully banded together and fought to have me released, because they were worried I'd spiral in that place. And in just those 3 days I spiraled *hard* because of how I was treated, and how I saw others being treated at that facility.
04:49 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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thread 9/14
So I got out before they decided I needed a more long-term commitment. But I had nightmares for months, and even know 5 years later I still have nightmares of being forcibly committed to a facility like that again. I have troubles talking about my mental health struggles because of it.
04:51 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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thread 10/14
I would literally rather suffer in silence than let people know how bad it is, because I fear they'll lie like my roommate did and this time I won't be lucky enough to get out. The woman with the stomach band? She'd been there for 2 years. She went to a judge once every 6 months to get reevaluated.
04:53 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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The workers at the facility would tell the judge they didn't think she'd recovered and wasn't fit to be released, and the judge would go on their word alone and recommit her for another 6 months. She was stuck in a nightmare because no one would believe her because she was mentally ill.
04:54 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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Not every mental health facility is like that, obviously, but enough are that many people with mental illness are rightly wary. Many are one step above the old insane asylums, full of rampant abuse and lies, and we as a society just....accept this. Because we think it'll never be us. Until it is.
04:55 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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thread 13/14
We need to do better. We need to end the stigma around being mentally ill, and places to treat the mentally ill need massive overhauls and so much more oversight to prevent patient abuse. But I also know no matter how hard I fight, I probably won't see it in my lifetime and that makes me so sad.
04:59 AM - May 21, 2023
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Sigilmancy
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thread 14/14
So I just...I don't know. I want people to be able to be open without the fear that they'll be hauled off to such a place. But I also know that such places still exist, and we need to be careful lest we end up there and aren't lucky enough to get released. Please be careful, everyone. Please.
05:02 AM - May 21, 2023
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