T. Naught
A
thread 1/8
i should say something.

tl;dr : i’m passing through a dark time.
i’ll almost certainly get through it.
there’s nothing you need to do.

but these things seem to go better when i tell on myself, even a little.
before i just go inexplicably silent
or keep spouting vague oblique malaise…
12:08 PM - May 01, 2024
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T. Naught
A
thread 2/8
just frame up a little context
for our mutual benefit.

it’s just an anniversary, that’s all —
remembering
the loss of something i held onto,
perhaps too tightly, long past the point
when that was a good idea
(if it ever was)
probably thinking that would make it ok
(which made it worse)
somehow
12:08 PM - May 01, 2024
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T. Naught
A
thread 3/8
so now there’s this calendar staked
observance that rolls around,
another annual chapter piled on
to nuance the meaning of everything
beneath, before, & in this part of the arc,
it hurts.
that’s all.
12:08 PM - May 01, 2024
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T. Naught
A
thread 4/8
it’s sophomoric to throw open
the floodgates & call into question
everything, the whole tangled mess of it
— we’re too old for that, surely.
just snug up the patchwork garment
of obstinacy, inertia, duty, all the good
habits cultivated from hardpan experience
12:08 PM - May 01, 2024
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T. Naught
A
thread 5/8
at the same time, emotion resists
being intellectualized & dismissed —
it will seep through that spackle & eventually
bring down every wall.
best to sit with it, then; “hold space”
as i guess they say
(whoever they were, wherever they got off to)
12:08 PM - May 01, 2024
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T. Naught
A
thread 6/8
you see? i’m already hiding
behind a wall of words
rather than telling more truth,
buying time while one of us debates
how much of this is really necessary.
this isn’t what either of us is really here
for, is it?
howbeit —
12:08 PM - May 01, 2024
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T. Naught
A
thread 7/8
the next, idk, 48h or so?
is likely to be a bumpy ride.
am i ok? emphatically no;
but that is not news, nor is it urgent,
nor is it likely to change dramatically
in that timeframe.

just wanted to give you a heads up.
there’s a level of mutual care here
i appreciate & value, & would hate
to overtax
12:08 PM - May 01, 2024
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T. Naught
A
thread 8/8
with erratic, unexplained nonsense
(this is verging on nonsense;
wrap it up, T)

anyway..
the world is burning, our society hangs in the balance, there are important matters to attend to, we all must make the ends meet, & this, too, shall pass.

thanks for bearing with me,
today & every day.
12:08 PM - May 01, 2024
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Dina Loves Dogs
A
In response to T. Naught.
06:59 AM - May 02, 2024
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Deborah Conway
A
In response to T. Naught.
❤️❤️❤️ be gentle with yourself.
10:02 PM - May 01, 2024
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T. Naught
A
In response to Inconclusive Laura®️.
💜
08:06 PM - May 01, 2024
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Pamela B'well
A
In response to T. Naught.
I relate to every word in a way that says that I could have written this (although not necessarily with your impeccable word choice.)

I have reached a place where I think it doesn’t matter that I go through my days in sadness, looking for an opportunity to be useful to someone. I withdraw instead.
12:44 PM - May 01, 2024
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T. Naught
A
In response to Pamela B'well.
thanks for that. sincerely.

you touch on something important:
trying to be of service, & in service is joy.

but when the joy has gone missing,
& every interaction sounds like a trauma response…
something’s not lining up,
not sustainable.
withdrawing for safety,
feeling alone, frustrated, failed
08:04 PM - May 01, 2024
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