Jason Cornwell

#Dribble
Sorry. You’ve #mistaken me for someone else. See, five fingers. My little girl made this six fingered glove for me. She gave it to me before her death. She drank from a poisoned cup that was meant for me. By the way, you haven’t seen a short, bald Sicilian who likes to say inconceivable?

12:10 PM - May 17, 2024

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I'm just saying do we really want that massive chandelier hanging above the audience? How about we put it in the main lobby so people will be impressed when they first walk into the theatre. It just seems wildly distracting in the auditorium & if it ever fell during a performance.

05:16 PM - May 16, 2024

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#Dribble
So what does the Great Pee-wee mean when He says "I meant to do that"? Yes, Timmy.

That it wasn't an accident. That he fell down on #purpose

Yes. Exactly, because He is infallible. He does not make mistakes. That is why the footage of his Odyssey is the only film to survive the Great War.

01:11 PM - May 16, 2024

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You'd have to be blind not to see who Natasha Lyonne is going to play in the Fantastic Four.

07:54 PM - May 15, 2024

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Vancouver fans. You sweet little babes in the woods. You think because the rest of Canada isn't cheering for your team, they must be behind the Oilers. Don't you understand? They don't want either team to win the Cup. The only Canadians that want the Oilers to win the Cup are Oiler fans.

05:05 PM - May 15, 2024

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I know our games start extra late, but what if we found a way to win that'll keep our fans amped up for another hour, so they get even less sleep.
Society should be grateful my job doesn't have lives depending on me being awake & alert, because being an Oilers fan is exhausting.

01:24 PM - May 15, 2024

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#Dribble
You want to know a #secret Mr. Wizard. This cave you & your band of munchkins are questing in, is my house. I just popped out for a late night snack & I come back to you telling me “I shall not pass”. My treasure hoard is just over there. Wait? Is that a ring of power? I need one of those.

09:30 AM - May 15, 2024

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Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
An enjoyable continuation of the modern trilogy, as we follow a new generation of apes. It does draw a fair bit from the original Kingdom, but it does quite a bit with the intriguing idea that the apes have completely forgotten the role humans used to play.

07:25 PM - May 14, 2024

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Some people are the engine of the train, pulling us to a better tomorrow.
Some people are passengers, perfectly happy to benefit from the work of others.
Some people try to derail the train because they don't like where it's heading.
Some people ride the bus because they hate metaphors.

12:14 PM - May 14, 2024

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#Dribble
Maximum #warp Chewie. What are you looking at me like that for? No, I say maximum warp all the time & even if I didn’t I think it’s pretty clear from the situation what I want. Yes, I get that hyperspace is more of a wormhole effect & everything moves at the same speed through it.

10:55 AM - May 14, 2024

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#Dribble
The #power of Christ compels me to tell you this room stinks. Sure I played a role in the situation with my projectile vomiting, but is it too much to ask for a little housekeeping here? I'd do it myself, but you've tied me to the bed. Plus, thread count on these sheets. Amateur hour.

10:55 AM - May 13, 2024

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No one loves their Mother more than me ... except maybe Oedipus.
Happy Mother's Day Mom.

05:41 PM - May 12, 2024

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#Dribble
I understand that you like to use exotic ingredients in your confectioneries, but the latest label on your Wonka Bar states "99.9% Gloop free". This makes it sound like Gloop is something one wouldn't want in their #chocolate bar. I must insist you answer my question. What is Gloop?

03:50 PM - May 12, 2024

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#Dribble
One cookie, one. Two cookies, two. Three cookies, three.
There you are. I knew this would draw you to me. Look me in the eyes. Are you looking me in the eyes? It's really hard to tell with you.
Prepare to #embrace the night. Yuck! Why are you filled with stuffing? Where's your blood?

02:32 PM - May 11, 2024

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#Dribble
Last survivor of the Nostromo? The only reason you're alive is because I warned you the Alien was hiding in the pipes. It's bad enough I had to watch my person get ripped apart. Now I have to #drift through space with this glory hog. When we get to Earth, I'm going to prank you so hard.

01:08 PM - May 10, 2024

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#Dribble
Abandon us in this shopping monstrosity. Oh look a book shop. There's one with me on the cover. What an #intriguing read after Bill & Ted send me back home. Find out how the war ends & what I get up to after my Presidency. And it fits perfectly in my hat. Just call me light-fingered Abe.

01:18 PM - May 09, 2024

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#Dribble
Now just wait. I need to see if this top starts to #wobble or if it keeps spinning endlessly. This is taking forever. Yes. I hear Freddy dragging his finger knives on the rail, but if this top falls over then we can kill him. Did you just bump the table? Now I have to start all over again.

12:48 PM - May 08, 2024

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#Dribble
Moriarty took a moment to #savour his victory. It had been there all along. Make the answer so simple that Holmes would dismiss it out of hand & his mind would spin away looking for a solution that didn't exist. Plus that blue dog's continual need for an answer would drive him mad

12:46 PM - May 07, 2024

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#Dribble
There are many times I’ve been floored by the deductive powers of my partner Sherlock Holmes, but this latest case seems to be beyond even his abilities. This infernal dog with his three #blue paw prints. What does he want? Where are these disembodied voices coming from? It’s maddening.

11:58 AM - May 07, 2024

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#Dribble
I'm so sorry Carly, but they've decided to go with Diamonds are Forever. I know. I thought #Anticipation did a better job capturing the idea of Connery's return, but what do I know. Now you're stuck with this weirdly titled song. We promise to never do this to you again.

10:40 AM - May 06, 2024

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Thanks to the efforts of Boston Pizza I can feel the entire country pulling for my Edmonton Oilers to win the Stanley Cup. It’s really quite amazing.

09:19 AM - May 06, 2024

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The Fall Guy (2024)
Gosling & Blunt are at their charming best which really helps to sell the romance element of this film. There's also some impressive stunts which makes this a nice tribute to them. However the villains are almost too cartoonish & the plot device driving them is beyond silly.

08:24 PM - May 05, 2024

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You would think the passage of time would extinguish the fire, but he was mentioned again recently & I realized this flame will never go out. I fucking hate Wesley Crusher.

04:03 AM - May 05, 2024

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Not a #Spoutories
You killed all those kids, took part in the destruction of Alderaan & you killed me, but because you stopped someone from killing your own child, you get to be a good force ghost? It just seems a little unfair. Hey, get back in line. No that's all we do. We just stand here.

03:12 AM - May 05, 2024

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Happy May the 4th everyone. Live long and prosper.

11:42 AM - May 04, 2024

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Not a #Spoutories
Yeah. I thought the spray was going to come out of his hands, but this is so much better. Watch this. Here comes He-Man & there's Stinkor. And he turns around & blam. It's like a super fart. Oh look how upset He-Man is. This is the greatest video ever! Play it again. Play it again.

06:41 AM - May 04, 2024

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Hey Spoutible. If you keep sanding off the rough edges you're going to end up with a pretty bland product. Perfectly safe though.

07:14 PM - May 03, 2024

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Look at me with all my jokes & razzle-dazzle, but the only people walking into the door of my shop are these zero spouting weirdos.

01:09 PM - May 03, 2024

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And then Kim Jong Un said “You killed your dog for doing what? Who does that?”

12:07 PM - May 03, 2024

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