Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 1/20
#Adoption

I would like to preface this by stating that because Aaron @beec4240 and Kace @FruitFacedFruitKace have been so generous in sharing some deeply personal and tough stories it gave me the courage to write this.
10:42 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 2/20
This is very personal and something I never see talked about, maybe on a specialized forum, but never on a mainstream one. It is about adoption, but more than that.
10:42 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 3/20
What do I expect from putting this out to others? Nothing, other than this has been on my mind for years and if you have the same experience, which I imagine many people do. Know you are not alone, as I thought maybe I was.
10:42 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 4/20
I was adopted at age 2 ½, and I found out when I was 17. It was upsetting, of course. I was not told anything about my birth family. I was under the impression that nothing was known.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 5/20
It was not until I was a bit older that I started to think about the strange words I had encountered from people as I moved through my life.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 6/20
I don’t know why the things that were said were said, I can only presume it was because of the way I looked. My first memory was when I was still quite young, walking down the street with my mom, and some guy sitting beside a building yelled out an antisemitic slur.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 7/20
Kids at school always called me a witch, that’s fine. I did not mind that so much, I was curious as to why, but as the saying goes, kids will be kids, or at least that was the saying back in the 50s and 60s.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 8/20
Many other odd occurrences at places like libraries, shops etc, things said, lost now in the mists of time, but always I had this feeling of confusion.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 9/20
As I got older and started to work, I ran across some instances of people not wanting me to serve them. One lady was talking to another co-worker and pointing at me, she said she did not want “that Indian woman” to serve her.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 10/20
In one instance I was helping a customer select jewellery. She looked me up and down and said, “What are you?” I replied “Pardon? She said, “You know, what are you?” I finally caught on and said, “Oh I am Atlantian.” She said, “I thought they sunk.” I said. “We’re back. “ She walked out.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 11/20
There have been many instances of people asking, “What are you?” “Where do you come from?” or presuming I am one heritage or another.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 12/20
And one guy, a few years back, when I said I did not know as I was adopted, he said, “You can get a DNA test you know.” “I replied with, “Wow, just wow.” His friend tried to get him to leave as he could see I was ramping up for a big battle.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 13/20
I work in a First Nations gallery and have for 19 years now. I get asked quite a bit, what tribe I am or people persuming I am First Nations because of my looks and where I am working. The ladies I work with are First Nations and people ask them too.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 14/20
I might add, that this is not the way to show support or to gain knowledge about a culture or people. Read and then read some more, and listen.
10:45 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 15/20
The interesting thing is, until a year ago this December I did not know my heritage, and could not even guess at it. Now of course I have some information as I sent for my adoption records, something I never thought I would do, but it makes sense for my daughter and grandkids.
10:45 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 16/20
So If I did not know, how was anyone else so sure that I was the person they wanted to hate or not be served by? Why was it so important for people to ask what I was, or where I came from? Why were people making presumptions about me or anyone? What would that information do for their life?
10:45 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 17/20
I had always thought I was a child of the universe and that is what I told many people who would ask me.
10:45 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 18/20
No person, certainly no one you have not built up a relationship with wants to be quizzed on personal and maybe painful areas of their life. When you build a relationship, I have found without fail, people open up and they will tell you what they want to, you don’t need to pry.
10:46 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 19/20
If you find yourself wanting to ask personal things about a stranger, hold off. Think about why you want to do that. Putting anyone in a compartment with a label is disgusting.
10:50 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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thread 20/20
If you have such hatred for yourself that you are looking to find a reason to feel above anyone else, think hard about changing and improving yourself.

Thank you for reading.
10:51 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Isa-Lee Wolf
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What a cutie you were!!

I mean you probably still are but you didn't post that pic😂

Thank you for sharing all of this. I've been asked the same question, more than once. And I've started to really question how much in my life wasn't about me, but bias.
In response to Carla Reid + Chilla.
11:39 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Carla Reid + Chilla
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In response to Isa-Lee Wolf.
LOL thank you. Well, I aged but I think I still look okay, only I don't have a lot of hair anymore, so I don't post pics of me now, maybe that can be my next thread. I am sorry you have gone through this. It says a whole lot about the person who does this to another.
11:42 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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Isa-Lee Wolf
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In response to Carla Reid + Chilla.
I think it's the age of people's thoughts being out there to see that really lays bare their prejudices. And so I've come to learn what I thought was uncommon is actually incredibly common.

Women and hair, that's a whole other huge topic!!
11:45 AM - Oct 21, 2023
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