1/20
#Adoption
I would like to preface this by stating that because Aaron @beec4240 and Kace @FruitFacedFruitKace have been so generous in sharing some deeply personal and tough stories it gave me the courage to write this.
I would like to preface this by stating that because Aaron @beec4240 and Kace @FruitFacedFruitKace have been so generous in sharing some deeply personal and tough stories it gave me the courage to write this.
10:42 AM - Oct 21, 2023
2/20
This is very personal and something I never see talked about, maybe on a specialized forum, but never on a mainstream one. It is about adoption, but more than that.
10:42 AM - Oct 21, 2023
3/20
What do I expect from putting this out to others? Nothing, other than this has been on my mind for years and if you have the same experience, which I imagine many people do. Know you are not alone, as I thought maybe I was.
10:42 AM - Oct 21, 2023
4/20
I was adopted at age 2 ½, and I found out when I was 17. It was upsetting, of course. I was not told anything about my birth family. I was under the impression that nothing was known.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
5/20
It was not until I was a bit older that I started to think about the strange words I had encountered from people as I moved through my life.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
6/20
I don’t know why the things that were said were said, I can only presume it was because of the way I looked. My first memory was when I was still quite young, walking down the street with my mom, and some guy sitting beside a building yelled out an antisemitic slur.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
7/20
Kids at school always called me a witch, that’s fine. I did not mind that so much, I was curious as to why, but as the saying goes, kids will be kids, or at least that was the saying back in the 50s and 60s.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
8/20
Many other odd occurrences at places like libraries, shops etc, things said, lost now in the mists of time, but always I had this feeling of confusion.
10:43 AM - Oct 21, 2023
9/20
As I got older and started to work, I ran across some instances of people not wanting me to serve them. One lady was talking to another co-worker and pointing at me, she said she did not want “that Indian woman” to serve her.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
10/20
In one instance I was helping a customer select jewellery. She looked me up and down and said, “What are you?” I replied “Pardon? She said, “You know, what are you?” I finally caught on and said, “Oh I am Atlantian.” She said, “I thought they sunk.” I said. “We’re back. “ She walked out.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
11/20
There have been many instances of people asking, “What are you?” “Where do you come from?” or presuming I am one heritage or another.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
12/20
And one guy, a few years back, when I said I did not know as I was adopted, he said, “You can get a DNA test you know.” “I replied with, “Wow, just wow.” His friend tried to get him to leave as he could see I was ramping up for a big battle.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
13/20
I work in a First Nations gallery and have for 19 years now. I get asked quite a bit, what tribe I am or people persuming I am First Nations because of my looks and where I am working. The ladies I work with are First Nations and people ask them too.
10:44 AM - Oct 21, 2023
14/20
I might add, that this is not the way to show support or to gain knowledge about a culture or people. Read and then read some more, and listen.
10:45 AM - Oct 21, 2023
15/20
The interesting thing is, until a year ago this December I did not know my heritage, and could not even guess at it. Now of course I have some information as I sent for my adoption records, something I never thought I would do, but it makes sense for my daughter and grandkids.
10:45 AM - Oct 21, 2023
16/20
So If I did not know, how was anyone else so sure that I was the person they wanted to hate or not be served by? Why was it so important for people to ask what I was, or where I came from? Why were people making presumptions about me or anyone? What would that information do for their life?
10:45 AM - Oct 21, 2023
17/20
I had always thought I was a child of the universe and that is what I told many people who would ask me.
10:45 AM - Oct 21, 2023
18/20
No person, certainly no one you have not built up a relationship with wants to be quizzed on personal and maybe painful areas of their life. When you build a relationship, I have found without fail, people open up and they will tell you what they want to, you don’t need to pry.
10:46 AM - Oct 21, 2023
19/20
If you find yourself wanting to ask personal things about a stranger, hold off. Think about why you want to do that. Putting anyone in a compartment with a label is disgusting.
10:50 AM - Oct 21, 2023
20/20
If you have such hatred for yourself that you are looking to find a reason to feel above anyone else, think hard about changing and improving yourself.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for reading.
10:51 AM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to Carla Reid + Chilla.
I appreciate this share. I grew up constantly being asked what I was, + being lectured for “not speaking the language” they assumed I should. I learned later more about my history that made + felt more sense.
Then had kid who folks assumed I was nanny for, not mom, & learned so much more.
Then had kid who folks assumed I was nanny for, not mom, & learned so much more.
05:21 PM - Oct 28, 2023
In response to L Geisenest.
Oh my. I am sorry you had this from people who don't stop to think. It is a really hard thing to overcome in many instances. I find one has to speak out if they can, to the person and not let them think they can continue with this.
05:24 PM - Oct 28, 2023
In response to Carla Reid + Chilla.
Tyvm for sharing, you have one heck of story. You helped me to understand a different path in life ♥️
05:46 PM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to Mark GranPaw C.
Thank you so much, Mark. Thank you for reading.😊
05:48 PM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to Carla Reid + Chilla.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can imagine what you've been thru, only because my son is also adopted. His biological parents are Senegalese, & he's never looked like me nor my husband of course, which used to bring about questions. We've had him from birth, & he's always known that he wasn't
02:25 PM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to ✨Shell Russell-Nelson.
born from my womb, but definitely born from my heart. As a 4yr old, he would tell people that he was a doctor, because that's how he would say adopted... but he'd then explain that his parents chose him to be our baby. He's 33yrs old now, & any angst he went thru as an adolescent over it, is over.
02:29 PM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to ✨Shell Russell-Nelson.
The more I talk with people about this, the more I realize that adoption is not rare, and it comes with its own set of love, joy, pain, and questions that for many may never be answered. It can be freeing in many ways, but it can also be a huge ? in your life that makes you feel incomplete.
02:32 PM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to Carla Reid + Chilla.
I believe it was comedian Margaret Cho who ended my impulse to ask someone where they are from. She teased at how people ask her (an American) where she’s from because she’s of Asian decent. No one has ever asked me (Eur. decent) where I’m from. Also never ask about someone’s baby’s heritage.
12:15 PM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to Julie Simms.
Ah, I am glad that some people are speaking about this issue. Aww, babies, yeah don't ask anything about a baby you don't know, don't pat a pregnant person's belly or ask personal awkward questions.
12:18 PM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to Carla Reid + Chilla.
Thank you for sharing this. We all have blind spots, so it's important to steadily hear from people with different life experiences. That way we can continually learn to be kinder and more sensitive.
Your thread is a gift. Thank you.
Your thread is a gift. Thank you.
12:02 PM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to Chris Young (he/his/him).
Thank you, Chris. Thanks for reading.😊
12:03 PM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to Carla Reid + Chilla.
Thanks for your story. Your path was more challenging than mine. I was adopted as an infant. I am a generic white guy adopted by a white family, growing up in the Seattle area that was almost entirely white at the time. I didn't get the crap growing up and as a young adult that you did.
11:30 AM - Oct 21, 2023
In response to Carla Reid + Chilla.
Thank you for sharing your story with us ❤️
11:11 AM - Oct 21, 2023
