mom mom mom mom mom
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Twas the night before Daylight Savings and all through the house,
Folks were asking, didn’t we ban this shit last year?
09:47 PM - Mar 11, 2023
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mom mom mom mom mom
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11:29 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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Kevin Hayden
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11:18 PM - Feb 22, 2023 (Edited)
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Rita Kamel
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My 4yo daughter: Can I go play outside? Look, it's sunny!

Sunny: 🤣🤣🤣🤣
10:05 AM - Feb 24, 2023
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mom mom mom mom mom
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11:29 PM - Feb 24, 2023
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mom mom mom mom mom
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“I’m really good at fidget spinners” my 7yr old announces, validating my choice of a vacation over a college fund
09:42 AM - Feb 17, 2023
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Jono
A
Can't stop thinking about that great coffee I made this morning. I hope it's doing well where I left it in my entry way
07:55 AM - Feb 14, 2023
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Ennui Doofen
A
my primary source of oxygen is gasping at all the stupidity
09:47 AM - Feb 16, 2023
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mom mom mom mom mom
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You know when your kid is falling asleep and you know their iPad is going to fall and smack them in the face and you could probably stop it? Me either.
01:48 PM - Feb 16, 2023
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mom mom mom mom mom
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Told 4 about a link where astronauts were reading stories in space for kids to watch.

“That’s a terrible idea!” she says. “They shouldn’t be reading while they’re driving!”
03:05 PM - Feb 15, 2023
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Dropped Mike
A
teacher: what does “agnostic” mean?

me: I don’t know

teacher: correct! how about “ambivalent”?

me: *shrug*

teacher: yes! how about “nihilistic”?

me: what difference does any of this make?

teacher: amazing
05:23 PM - Feb 10, 2023
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TheCiscoKidder
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I'm less of a gym bro and more of a gym no.
11:31 AM - Feb 12, 2023
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That Mom Tho
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I love that super intelligent people evolved technology to the point that I could stay up all night watching objects get crushed by a hydraulic press
08:58 AM - Feb 12, 2023
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Coach Rusty
B
honestly they should promote double stuf oreos to just be regular oreos and start calling regular oreos diet oreos. it's time
03:16 PM - Feb 08, 2023
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68
TheCiscoKidder
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I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises.
10:01 PM - Feb 11, 2023
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Ennui Doofen
A
Ahh to be young & dumb again- being old & dumb is so expensive
11:51 AM - Feb 13, 2023
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mom mom mom mom mom
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my kid is yelling “JESUS RICE!” as I usher him out the door and I should be mad or upset or something but I am just trying really hard not to laugh
09:12 AM - Feb 13, 2023
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mom mom mom mom mom
A
have kids so they can run into your room at six am yelling, “MOM ITS THE WEEKEND! WE DON’T HAVE TO WAKE UP BECAUSE ITS THE WEEKEND!”
10:16 AM - Feb 11, 2023
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